Super State

How to Defeat Adversity and Eliminate the Sticking Points in Your Life

Arin Vahanian — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 08:33:46 GMT

We never know what we are capable of until we face adversity. This is a fact that is discussed and bandied about quite often, but we are rarely ever taught how to approach and overcome adversity. So today’s entry will probably come across as slightly different from what you are accustomed to reading here, but it is nonetheless an absolutely crucial topic. In fact, I decided to combine two different topics into one: defeating the adversity you face, and eliminating any sticking points you have in life.

Before we start, I’ll explain what I mean by “sticking points.” To me, a sticking point is a difficulty or limiting belief you have which is holding you back from moving forward in a given endeavor. In short, it is something that is holding you back from accomplishing something in your life. Different people have different sticking points in different areas of their lives. For example, someone might have sticking points in his business, which hold him back from increasing sales and ultimately his profit, or taking risks that could move the business forward. Others might have sticking points when it comes to attracting members of the opposite sex. Nonetheless, sticking points exist for everyone, but can be dealt with and eliminated with conscientious practice, dedication, and a belief in the goodness of your endeavor.

Now, the reason I decided to combine the two topics instead of having two separate blog entries, was that I realized that the two are inextricably linked to each other. Having a sticking point in life is a form of adversity, and facing adversity can in turn bring your sticking points out into the open.

But first I’d like to talk about adversity and how we can overcome it. Defeating adversity is a two-point process:

First, you fully accept what has happened to you (i.e. you have just been diagnosed with diabetes, you have less than $500 in the bank, you have no stable job, etc.), and admit it more honestly and openly than you have done ever before. You admit it by verbalizing it or writing it down on paper and hence bringing it out into the open, and then you accept that those things have happened to you without taking it personally or feeling like the world has decided to pick on you. You admit what is going on in your life situation now as readily as you admit that the sun is shining in the sky, or that you are reading this blog right now.

Why? Because most people will avoid doing this; that is, admitting that something has happened to them that has changed their life situation. We have a tendency to want to shield ourselves from disaster and pain, or even from change that is not totally enjoyable. But when we admit and accept that this stuff has happened and that it is part of our life situations, and not our lives or who we are, only then can we hope to get over these difficulties. The reason that these so-called “tragedies” are not part of our lives or who we are is that they do not define us as people, and often times, most of these “terrible” situations are temporary and go away. In the case of an illness, even if it is something like diabetes and cannot be cured, it still isn’t a part of who you are as a person. Nobody can be defined by an illness, or their job, or what items they own. YOU decide what you are defined by, and it most certainly isn’t an item you own or a physical condition.

Second, you tell yourself, "Now that I have admitted to myself that I am facing adversity, I am going to do what is necessary to overcome it.” And then you fight, and you hack, and you claw, and you slice, and you pillage your way through this morass of desperation, sadness, pain, forlornness, financial destitution, or whatever else has happened to you, one by one. Now, I don’t mean that you literally have to fight and kick and claw things. I mean, figuratively speaking, that you must not allow temporary setbacks or a couple of unfavorable events destroy your life.

The best way to fight back is the two-step method I just mentioned. First, admit to yourself that it has happened, and second, do what is necessary to overcome it. If you just lost a lot of money in your business, continue with sound business deals and earn back the money you lost. If you have been diagnosed with an illness, do whatever is necessary to take care of your health and continue life as you were before the illness occurred. If you break up with your significant other, life simply must go on – admit that it happened and then bring happiness into someone else’s life.

But the reason that the second step is totally crucial is that just admitting you are facing adversity is not enough. The more you take adversity and what people call “bad luck,” without doing anything constructive about it, the more it will continue happening, which is why there are some people who almost always have bad things happening to them for years and they wonder why it won't ever go away. The answer to destroying this painful cycle is to become dedicated to eliminating our destructive beliefs and limiting thought patterns and becoming totally focused on what is going on at the present moment. And we do this by admitting what has happened, and then remaining in the present while doing whatever is necessary to improve our situation.

Here is the bottom line: You never know what you are capable of, until you face adversity.

You might be thinking now, "What's all this nonsense you are spouting…my problems are real, and my situation is terrible. Life is not supposed to be like this. Life is not supposed to full of problems and pain. "

And I couldn't disagree with that - your situation might very well be terrible. But it's temporary...and just imagine the power you will have once you have conquered this. It's like slaying a fire-breathing dragon that has terrorized the citizens of your town.

Admit, and fully accept your situation - and then take a broadsword to your troubles, with a passion, zeal, and understanding of life that would make Epicurus smile proudly.

And this leads us to our next topic: eliminating sticking points.

First we must understand that encountering sticking points is a good thing, and an essential thing. This is because sticking points appear when we are doing something right. Yes, you read correctly…they appear when we are on the right path.

I believe that nothing good was ever created without having to conquer some kind of sticking point. The cures we have developed for diseases that used to ravage mankind, the marvelous monuments we have created, and indeed, commonplace everyday things like plumbing, heating, a clean water supply, and sanitation – all of these came about after we struggled and overcame hardships and sticking points en route to helping our fellow human beings live better lives.

Similarly, when you are trying to develop your business, improve your skills at attracting the opposite sex and improving your relationships, or studying diligently to find a cure for cancer – you will no doubt encounter sticking points. The key here is to overcome these sticking points. And the only way they can be overcome is by continuing forward with an undying belief that you are doing something right and are contributing goodness into your life and into the lives of others, while also focusing on the present, on the now, and enjoying and savoring every moment of what you are doing.

Part of the reason we don’t overcome our sticking points has to do with what we have been taught from a young age. We are often told that certain things, or even many things, are impossible, just too difficult, or unattainable. We are often told by our parents, teachers, and people in society to be “realistic.” But my question is, what if most of we were taught when we were young about being "realistic" is not true?

What if limits are not really real? What if we can change our own universe just by changing our thoughts, beliefs and actions? What if we were literally one or two steps from living a completely different life, on a spiritual, emotional, and physical level?

Ask yourself just what is possible, and whether you have been realizing this...or whether you have been living in a daze, with a surface understanding of this. I know I had been, until fairly recently.

When you have sticking points, it is best to write them down with as much detail as possible (while still being reasonable…there is no need to write five pages about one sticking point), and then dedicate yourself to overcoming them by taking quick, decisive action.

You must literally isolate and identify your sticking points, bad habits, or difficulties you are having in your life, and pick them off ONE BY ONE like a well-trained sniper. Otherwise, at best, they will continue to linger, or, at worst, will proliferate. Focus in on what needs to be done, and exactly what you need to do to overcome each sticking point that you have written down.

And when you get that kind of focus, it will almost be scary. It will feel as if an unseen force is guiding your actions.

And if something doesn't go your way, laugh at it, and then get right back on that horse and stay determined to get it handled. It's like being on autopilot, but in a GOOD way. Anything that doesn't matter does not get any attention from you and does not even exist in your reality. Any thoughts or ideas that you might not be able to succeed are similarly vanquished from your mind, as well as any negative thought patterns. You simply have no time or space for them.

There are those mornings when you get up, and you feel like maybe something is “off.” Then something else happens during that day. Your boss tells you that you messed up a report and that you suck at life. Your girlfriend goes into a hysterical fit about her cat. Some guy spills a drink on you at the local restaurant or bar. Maybe it's cloudy outside. You see a beautiful woman you failed to approach a week ago, now dating the guy who used to beat you up during high school. Something happens that day, or maybe nothing happens that day, but you feel, you know, your state is off and you fall into the doldrums.

And we all know how that is, since we have all been through it. It’s like playing dominoes, things just gets worse and then you spiral into depression, or whatever you like to call it.

BUT, what if we were just to interrupt all those useless thought patterns, and just do things our own way? What if we were to say "NO" to all the negativity and limiting beliefs that drag us down on a daily basis, and say "YES" to feeling present, and overcoming hardship on our way to accomplishing a whole lot of good things?

This is something that only you can decide for yourself. I can write all I want about overcoming adversity and eliminating sticking points, but at the end of the day, it will be up to you to take action and decide to make your life as good as possible. And that starts with being totally in the present, and focusing on what is going on in your life right now, and being dedicated to working on improving your life.

So, in summary, overcoming sticking points, in my mind, is based on two factors:

1. Approaching everything you do with the hopes of adding value into people's lives, and the world.

2. Barreling through any and all obstacles, one by one, on your way to accomplishing your goal(s) and vision(s).

At the end of the day, sticking points are just temporary excuses. Whether they are biological, or part of society programming, or just limiting beliefs, is not important. What is important is knocking them down like bowling pins en route to a glorious strike.

Monsieur L'Abbat, who wrote the 17^th century masterpiece, "The Art of Fencing," says: "Courage and skill often being of little use without a good weapon, I think it necessary, before I lay down rules for using it, to show how to choose a good blade, and how it ought to be mounted."

We live in different times now, but we still need a good weapon. This weapon is our resolve, our mindset, and our state of being. And our state of being must be impenetrable! Our thoughts, beliefs, and actions comprise our spiritual castle. And our castle is impregnable!

Why We Are All Connected To Each Other

Arin Vahanian — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 05:03:02 GMT

I shall begin today’s blog entry with a simple but profound question: “How connected are you?”

Now, I don’t mean to ask how many business contacts you have or how many people in your industry/neighborhood/social circle know you or even if you are very sociable.

I mean, have you really grasped the fact that you experience part of your life every day, through others? Before you continue reading, please ask yourself this question and then answer it honestly.

I imagine that some people out there have never even considered this to be a possibility. And indeed, there may even be people out there who would completely disregard this as being a possibility.

We are very seldom asked such questions – but I believe this question is among the most relevant on Earth today. And there is nothing esoteric about any of this – this is something actually rather simple, but not something that many people have ever really considered.

In today’s society, we are led to believe, from a very young age, that we are separate from others, that we are different from others, and that many people will stand in our way when we try to achieve success in our lives and that we must overcome those difficulties, and in essence, those other people.

And it is this very belief of separateness that has led to all the wars, violent conflicts, and many other evils in our world today.

When we interact with people, be it business associates, members of the opposite sex that we’d like to date, family members, friends, or even strangers on the street, we need to understand that even though we are interacting with a different person, he or she is part of the same collective consciousness that we are.

How so? Because this person exists just as much as we do, has goals, dreams, and desires, just as we do. This person is not just a collection of atoms and nerves and bones – this person is a living, breathing, active being, full of energy, and has just as much a right to experience the wonders of this planet Earth and beyond, as we do.

Whether you consider a person to be “good,” “bad,” “interesting,” “boring,” “weird,” “amazing,” “beautiful,” “ugly,” or any of the other adjectives we use to describe other people, realize that this person has the same right to strive for enlightenment and happiness that you do. And this person would gladly put him or herself toward the path of enlightenment and happiness, if he or she only knew how.

So it is our duty as fellow human beings, part of the same collective whole, the same collective consciousness, to help ourselves come to this awareness and then to help as many people as we can to also reach this awareness for themselves.

The desires we have in our life, be it the desire to close a business deal, make love to someone, make a new friend, or have a deep conversation with a family member, is really just a desire to unite.

We are connected to the people we come into contact with on a daily basis, and even people we do not come into contact with, people who we have not even met yet.

Let me give you an example. This morning I left my apartment and went to get some food, and ran into two little boys who live on the second floor. I occasionally run into them, and they are thrilled when they see me. One of the kids, upon seeing me on the street, ran up to me, hugged my leg and said "I love you!"

Now, some people may just shake that off as "Well, it's just a kid babbling...who cares. He doesn't know what he's talking about."

But if we just take a moment and think about how that child expressed how he felt inside, we know very well that he knows what he is talking about. He may not “love” me, but he sure felt good to see me – and this is what happens when you feel a connection to others. You enjoy seeing them and interacting with them, and they will in turn reciprocate your kindness and love.

That whole scene blew my mind...that kid running up to me, giving me a big hug as best he could, and saying "I love you". I quite frankly didn't know what to do as I was caught off-guard, so I just smiled, gave him a hug back, and felt good about the fact that more happiness was brought into the world.

And I realized once again that we are all connected, in some way, shape or form.

But how are “total strangers” connected to us? People we have not yet met? This is again very simple yet profound – you are always one step away from meeting a new person that may help change the direction of your life, either slightly or dramatically. You are always one step away from meeting a person who needs your help, a person that helps you get a new and more interesting job, a person who introduces you to a book or a place that changes your perception of things or your entire worldview interpretation, or even a person who breaks your heart.

All of these people have a role to play, in your life, in their lives, and also in the lives of others. Others’ decisions and actions put them on the path to meeting you, interacting with you, and likewise, your decisions and actions will lead you to meet and interact with different people. It is for this reason that we are all connected – our decisions and actions change the course of human lives and human history.

When I was a kid, I never even dreamed of being able to live on four different continents by the time I reached 30. But that is precisely what I have done. I never imagined I would make the extraordinary friends I have made, see the wonderful places I’ve seen, and experienced the hardships and challenges that I have experienced.

Through good and bad, all of the people I have met and even those who I have not yet met, in some way helped change, shape, and mold my life into what it is today. And I appreciate them for that.

But again, why feel connected to other people? Because without the awareness that we are all connected to each other, people are just going to go through the same suffering and nonsense they have been going through since the dawn of time.

Even when times are tough, or people don’t seem to be treating you the way you really want to be treated, they are depending on you to help them. It is all a test of your fortitude and your desire to bring about positive change within yourself, and within others too.

So there is no time for self-pity, but only self-acceptance, and to bring about positive lasting change in people's lives, and in your life as well, on a daily basis.

Some of you doubters out there might ask, “Why on Earth should I accept this theory of connectedness? We are all different from each other, we come from different parents, we have different religions, we are born in different countries, speak different languages. We are just different and we must accept that.”

Well, there is a very good reason why it would behoove us to believe that we are connected, rather than separate and different. And it is a very practical reason. Let me explain:

Believing in the theory of separateness brings us: needless arguments and conflicts, violence, wars, being overly suspicious of others and/or situations and events, and other negative and ultimately destructive events and behaviors.

Believing in the theory of connectedness brings us: fruitful discussions with others, an avoidance of violence of all kinds, a deep desire to avoid wars, believing in the goodness of oneself and others, creating and keeping good friendships and relationships, and ultimately creating a better world for oneself and for others.

Unless one is completely insane, he or she would prefer the outcomes resulting from following the theory of connectedness.

No matter what your religion, age, sex, personal history, ethnic background, or physical condition, you can believe that you are connected to others and it will enrich your life beyond anything you have ever imagined, without conflicting with any religious or spiritual beliefs you may have. Even an atheist can comfortably believe he or she is connected to other people, without having to start believing in a religion.

This does not mean, however, that you should give up your individuality or not strive to be the best person you can be.

You can be your own person, have your own interests, desires, and goals, but also realize that you are in some way connected to everyone else on this planet. This way, you can have your own life, and also ensure that others have their own lives, but also contribute to a safer, more peaceful, more accepting, and more positive world.

It may not be easy, but ultimately, it is much more rewarding and much more enjoyable than the alternative – to disconnect from others and add to the strife, violence, and negativity that exist in today’s world.

That is why I know I am connected to others – because the absence of awareness of this fact is a major cause of the evils and pain existing on this physical Earth, and I don’t want to add any more pain to this world, only goodness. I strive to add only goodness as a result of my thoughts, beliefs, and actions.

So I invite you to put this to the test. Here’s something you can try that will improve the quality of your relationships with others, and ultimately, the quality of your life, dramatically. Starting tomorrow morning, and for the next seven days, each time you see a person, tell yourself, “I am connected to this person.” There is no need to say this out loud, but just say it to yourself in your head.

If your mind tries to create doubts, you simply answer, “I understand. I do not know yet in what way I am connected to this person, but I simply know that I am connected to this person, and that is what matters.”

Try this with every person you see, and every person you come into contact with, be it a stranger that you have never met, your co-worker, your girlfriend, your father, absolutely everyone.

And after you have done this for a week (seven days in a row), you are welcome to write me and let me know what happened.

I know that if you try this experiment, you will most certainly start seeing for yourself the awesome power of this statement: you experience part of your life every day through others.

How to Get Rid of Excuses NOW and Start Living the Kind of Life You’ve Always Wanted

Arin Vahanian — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 05:14:40 GMT

Do you give yourself reasons why you can’t do something you really want to do?

Do you feel like your life is full of difficulties and insurmountable challenges?

Are you unsatisfied with the kind of life you’re living right now or feel that your life is uneventful and monotonous?

Then today’s blog entry is just for you…

Today’s topic is one that will hit closer to home than many are comfortable with, and this includes myself. In fact, I have wanted to write something like this for a long time, but I often wondered whether I would be able to really get my points across clearly and not offend some people in the process.

But I eventually realized that sometimes, it’s necessary to talk about an issue that is really important to you, and that when you care enough about bringing about positive change to peoples’ lives, that you should not let anything stop you from sharing information that might help people improve their lives dramatically.

So I have decided to write about how we can help ourselves eliminate one of the most destructive barriers to self-improvement and self-realization – namely, excuse-making.

The truth is that every human, since the beginning of time, has made excuses, and everyone will keep making excuses – the aim here is not to eliminate every single excuse uttered by every single person on Earth. Rather, it is to help people eliminate the unnecessary excuses they make which prevent them from succeeding in their relationships, in business, and in nearly every other aspect of their lives.

Once in a while, the excuses we make for not doing something are very valid and legitimate. Barring divine miracles, one can’t participate in a competitive sporting match with a broken leg, nor can someone become a billionaire overnight when he is dirt poor. Success takes lots of hard work, patience, endurance, and passion, and we have to realize that if we want success in every aspect of our lives, that it may take some time to achieve it.

However, I have seen too many people, and this again includes myself, make trifling little excuses that prevent them from doing something that would otherwise be easily accomplished. From my personal experience, almost all of the excuses we make are just that – excuses. They can be easily eradicated and we can thus set ourselves on the path to accomplishing nearly anything we want.

I have thus developed a three-step method in dealing with excuse-making and making sure that it becomes a thing of the past.

Catch yourself making the excuse when it happens.
Reframe the excuse and either state clearly or write down why it is not true.
Prescribe a course of action that will eliminate the excuse for good and set you on your way to success.

I shall now elaborate on each one of these points separately, as well as list examples of typical excuses people make, how to get over these excuses, spur oneself to action, and ultimately, success.

Step 1 –Catch yourself making the excuse when it happens.

From personal experience I have seen that we most often aren’t even aware that we are making excuses for not doing something. It is because we are so accustomed to making excuses that we aren’t even aware that they are excuses; we assume that life should be difficult and that these challenges are insurmountable.

But the truth is that the more you make excuses, the more excuse-making becomes a part of you.

Let me repeat that: the more you make excuses, the more excuse-making becomes a part of you.

And the only way to eliminate excuse-making from your life is to catch it immediately when it rears its ugly head.

However, an important thing to note here is that whenever you catch yourself making an excuse, you should never put yourself down in the process. The excuse is not a part of you – it is something extraneous and completely unnecessary. Quite often we utter excuses as a knee-jerk reaction, because we are not yet fully aware of the incredible powers we possess within, powers that would shatter those excuses into pieces and out of our lives forever.

So the best way to catch yourself making an excuse is to pay close attention to your thoughts, especially when it comes time to make a decision, take action, or try something new.

Some key words and phrases that pop up when we make excuses are:

“Can’t”

“Couldn’t”

“Shouldn’t”

“Maybe”

“Difficult”

“Impossible”

“But”

“I’m too (busy/old/young/fat/etc.)”

“Should have”

“What if”

There are certainly more words/phrases out there that should tip you off, but these are some of the ones I have found myself coming up with.

Step 2 - Reframe the excuse and either state clearly or write down why it is not true.

Identifying the excuse is not enough to eliminate it. We must then reveal it for what it is – untrue and unnecessary. Some people like to do this step in their heads, but I recommend that you write this down on paper.

Write down why the excuse is not true, in clear, concise words. You often won’t need any more than a sentence or two to reveal why the excuse is untrue.

Here’s an example: “There’s no reason why I can’t finish this case study by tomorrow morning – I often finish case studies just like this one in a few hours.”

This is the first step toward coming to the awareness and realization of just how powerful we are, and of all the great things we are capable of doing. All we want to do here is disarm the excuse and not give it any reason to exist anymore. Once you have disarmed the excuse, it will be nearly dealt with.

Step 3 - Prescribe a course of action that will eliminate the excuse for good and set you on your way to success.

This is perhaps the most important part of the three-step method, because even though you have identified the excuse and written down why it is not true, if you don’t continue on a course of action, you’ll let the excuse “live” and come back to haunt you again another day.

So what needs to be done here is to write down exactly what you are going to do to move toward your goal, when you are going to start doing it, and then finally, take action.

For example, if you have identified that you made an excuse about why you couldn’t finish those case studies by tomorrow, and explained to yourself why it was an excuse, you could then continue by writing, “I am spending the next two hours on this case study and I am going to finish it well before the deadline of tomorrow morning.”

Another important thing to remember is, you don’t want to get tied down writing pages and pages about your “problem”, nor do you want to get stuck on semantics or start analyzing or thinking too much. The purpose of this three-step method is to get you to dismiss excuses that hold you back from success and get moving in the right direction – toward success.

Here are some examples of the three-step method in action:

Excuse: “I don’t have enough time to exercise three times a week – I’m just too busy.”

Remedy: “While it is true that I am busy in my daily life, I also have to admit to myself that I have some free time nearly every day. I watch an average of about two hours of TV a day. What I can do is starting tomorrow, exercise for 30 minutes, and repeat that two more days per week. I’ll still have time to watch TV, my life won’t be altered drastically, and I’ll get the exercise I wanted.”

Excuse: “I’m too old to learn another language or take up a new hobby. I should have done that years ago. Now it is too late!”

Remedy: While it is true that I am older than some people who start learning a new language or a new hobby, I am also younger than some people who have done the same things. If they did it, then therefore I can as well. Tomorrow I will enquire at the local college about taking a language course, and also get in touch with my friend who does happens to be good at the hobby I’m considering starting.”

And now, I’m going to run this three-step method on myself, and reveal an excuse that may surprise you:

Excuse: “I think I’m going to hold off writing that blog entry about making excuses – if I write something like that there would be a lot of pressure to make it perfect, and besides, it might anger some people because basically everyone, including myself, makes excuses.”

Remedy: “While it is true that my blog entry may anger some people (let’s face it, not everyone is going to like what I write), I believe it will help many more people than it will tick off. The reason I am writing this blog entry is that I have a passion for helping people improve their lives. And if I can do that, then this will all be worth it. Furthermore, no one on Earth is capable of writing perfectly all the time. So I’m finishing up the blog entry tonight and publishing it right after that.”

So there you have a three-step method which will help you deal with excuse-making, plus some examples of how to get your ideas down on paper.

While my method is far from perfect, and there are undoubtedly other methods/strategies one can use to deal with this part of his/her life which may be superior, I have found that this three-step method has worked well for me, and I wanted to share it with you.

I also hope this blog entry will help people recognize when they are making excuses and help propel them toward action, toward accomplishing all the things they wanted to do, and ultimately, toward self-realization and happiness.

How to Change or Develop a Belief System

Arin Vahanian — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 11:14:29 GMT

A friend once asked me, “How did you come to believe in yourself and your abilities?” To me, it was a simple enough question, and my answer was even simpler: “I just did.”

Now, that may not make any sense to you right now, but it will by the time you finish reading this blog entry.

People have asked me about how they could go about changing the beliefs that they have about themselves, about others, and about life. And my answer has always been the same - in order to change a belief, you simply need to change it.

What this means is that you do not need any life-altering events, signs, or proof that you can have a certain belief. The belief does not come from any external forces; it comes entirely from within you. What you need in order to change your belief system, or even just a single belief, is the decision that you are changing your belief. That is all.

All of the beliefs that you have right now, you choose to have. I know this is admittedly a difficult thing for many people to understand, since they feel that they have no control over many of the events in their life. And while it’s true that we may not have control over every single aspect of our lives, one thing we do have control over is how we perceive any given situation, which relates closely to the beliefs we have.

So if we have control over how we perceive things, then we also have control over the beliefs in our life. All of our beliefs put together comprise our belief system, which is such an important part of our lives, yet most of us do not pay much attention to it, and let our belief system fly on autopilot. And this is not necessarily a bad thing, because it’s unrealistic and a waste of time to keep checking every single belief we have before we make a decision. What our belief system should do is guide us without us having to check up on it. But the problem is, for most people, their belief system is comprised of beliefs they don’t want, or are not healthy for them.

Now, the million dollar question is, “How can I develop a strong belief system?”

Well, there’s good news and bad news. The good news is that you can literally believe anything you want, and put anything you want into your belief system. Your subconscious mind will believe anything you tell it, and, if you program good beliefs into it, then it will remember those and act accordingly.

The not so good news is that developing a new belief system or changing your old belief system is not always an easy task, and one that takes time and effort. However, the time and effort spent on this will help you in every part of your life, and can even transform your life into something grander, more beautiful, and ultimately more satisfying.

How I developed my belief system is closely related to last month’s article, in which I discussed ways to develop true, core confidence. True belief in yourself and your abilities comes from within, not from accomplishments. Therefore, again, you have to love yourself and fully believe that you are the creator of your own destiny and future.

There is no one specific, magic formula for changing your belief system or developing a new one. But to change an old belief system, you can do what I did. Write down on a piece of paper, beliefs that you have, that you are not proud of. Then, change those beliefs, and write down a different belief incorporating that change.

For example, you may have the belief that “I can never start my own restaurant and be successful at it.” Write that down, and then change it, to something like this:

“It is my vision to own a successful Greek restaurant. I know that I am fully capable of doing so, and lack absolutely nothing. I have the belief that I can start my restaurant and make it successful, and with hard work, effort, and a good business plan, I will make my vision a reality.”

You can do this with literally every belief that you want to change. After you change those beliefs on paper, it is time to program them into your mind. Again, repeating them twice each evening and twice each morning for a period of two weeks will get you started.

To develop a new belief system, it is much simpler – just start believing whatever you want to believe, starting right now!

That may sound trite, but in reality it is more profound than you could ever imagine – you can indeed start believing what you want right now.

You don’t need results to help you believe, nor do you need any “proof.” The only proof is that you believe something fully. Admittedly, this is a difficult thing to teach in today’s society, which emphasizes results and a “win-lose” mentality.

But here is the truth – no one can tell you what to believe in, because it comes from within. No one has any right to tell you what you can and cannot believe in. If you want to succeed at something, then it’s up to you to make that happen, because no one else will do it for you.

And remember, to have such a solid belief system, it has to literally be a part of you, every day, every minute, and every second. It is not something you can switch on before, say, leaving the house, or before going to work. It has to be existent in every situation, and with every person you interact with.

Therefore, one very important thing to consider here is that the belief must come before the action. This means that before you embark upon something, whether it is a job search, starting a new hobby or sport, or moving to another country – you have to have the belief that you can succeed at it, before you actually do it!

For example, you can believe that you will start learning and become proficient at a new language. “Starting tomorrow I shall learn Chinese, and I will succeed at it, because I have the drive, passion, and enthusiasm which is required to succeed at learning a foreign language.”

I have used this very same belief in my own life – I speak five languages and am learning the sixth. You guessed it…Chinese!

I’ve learned Japanese, which is considered one of the world’s most difficult languages, and am now learning Chinese, which is also considered one of the world’s most difficult languages.

I’ve done it not because I’m a prodigy or I’m naturally good at learning languages, though some might say that I am. I have done it by putting hours and hours of effort and practice into it, along with the belief that I can learn any language I want to.

But don’t look at me – look at the examples around you of people who are successful at the things you want to be successful at. You will see very clearly that their belief systems help them achieve their success, and not the other way around.

You must remember that you create the enjoyment or hell in your life. It is entirely up to you and how you perceive a particular situation to be. Ancient philosophers such as Epictetus and Seneca were talking about this thousands of years ago, and now, motivational speakers are talking about it.

No matter who talks about it, the truth remains the same – you can create whatever kind of experience you believe in.

We have countless examples in modern society of people whose beliefs led them to spectacular and inspirational achievements. One of my heroes is the hockey player Wayne Gretzky. Although he was considered a hockey prodigy when he was very young, many critics claimed he was too small and thin to play in the NHL, and that he would never make it in the big leagues.

Gretzky proved them wrong, as he practiced nearly five hours a day and never quit. He thus became the greatest hockey player of all time and set more individual records in his sport than any other athlete in their respective sport.

In spite of his great abilities, had Gretzky not fully believed in himself, there is no way he could have become the greatest player of all time. We often see athletes who have tremendous natural ability, but who falter and consequently do not become anywhere near as good as they could have been.

But the fact that someone is successful is not important – it is the belief he has inside that is important, and which makes him successful.

So, to sum up this article, I’ll give you a variation of a famous quote from Henry Ford: “Whether you BELIEVE you can or BELIEVE you can’t, you’re right.”

How to Build True, Lasting Confidence

Arin Vahanian — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 17:16:00 GMT

Do you know what ONE character trait all very successful people have in common?

You most likely already know…when we look at really successful people, we almost always see a strong sense of confidence within them.

So how can one develop a strong sense of confidence within him or herself, especially if one hasn’t had the kind of “success” that seems to be requisite for having true confidence?

This is a question I’ve certainly been asked before, and I'll start off by saying, the good news is that your question is absolutely the easiest one for me to answer. Yet it is also the most difficult...because honestly, it doesn't depend on me. All of this depends on you.

Building true confidence comes from a really foundational change within yourself. Not necessarily changing everything about yourself, but changing a few core, key beliefs that will be a part of the foundation of your spiritual and mental "castle."

So here is the foundation that I base absolutely everything on, when it comes to building and keeping true confidence.

Do you want to hear it?

It's so simple that it's embarrassing...

You have to LOVE yourself. Absolutely. 100 percent. In everything you do. In everything you say. There can't be any room for not absolutely loving everything about yourself. Whether it's the way you walk to your car in the morning, whether it's the things you say to the cashier at the local supermarket, whether it's the way you sit down on the sofa to read a book, you have to love every inch of yourself. Notice how I didn't talk about accomplishments in this paragraph, but rather, everyday, mundane things.

That’s because, contrary to public belief, confidence doesn't come from accomplishments. I always chuckle when I hear someone say, "I got really confident after I scored that goal/got that promotion at work/met that beautiful girl, etc." What he had was not confidence, but a short feeling of elation after accomplishing a goal he had, which is nice. But that's not everlasting. It's temporary. And that's not what we are looking for. What we are looking for is PERMANENT confidence.

Confidence that comes from externals is fleeting, insecure, and ego-driven. We all know this to be true, because what happens when that same person has a bad experience next time? He feels down and depressed.

He has to have that confidence before he even gets on the pitch to play a game, whether he meets five beautiful women, or none, and whether he gets a promotion or not. He has to have that confidence before he even wakes up in the morning, whether he is a professional hockey player or just on the high school team. His confidence is not related to results. His confidence is related to HIMSELF.

Externals can never bring, true, everlasting confidence, because confidence is not something that can come from the outside, from other people or outside forces.

This is probably the most difficult, yet most crucial thing to teach when it comes to confidence – that the belief comes first, not the accomplishments!

To build this kind of solid confidence, here are three points I’d like you to focus on:

1. You have to love yourself regardless of what may have happened in the past, or how you viewed yourself in the past.

2. You have to love yourself whether you have had that so-called “success” in your life so far or not.

3. You have to love yourself regardless of the way things seem to be right now, because you can change anything you want, right now.

Really take a few moments and think about these three points...I will go into each one of these in more detail now.

In regards to point #1, this is a prime area, because many people really believe that their past makes them who they are today – which is simply not true.

Their PRESENT is what makes them who they are TODAY. How on Earth could something that happened years or months ago have any bearing on who they are today, because even as Heraclites pointed out thousands of years ago, things are always in "flux," things are always changing. You are not the same person you were, even last night.

You're literally MINUTES away from becoming the kind of person you want.

Don't be concerned with what happened in the past, and I know it easy for me to sit here and tell you that, but, believe me...you've no time for fretting about the past. You can only live right now.

Every moment spent thinking about the past takes away an opportunity to enjoy the present. You can only experience the present moment, you can only experience today. All the rest is either a memory or has not yet come.

Now, point #2...this one is a bit tougher, and probably took me the most time to conquer and bury.

We live in a society where "all or none", or "black and white" thinking prevail.

I mean, it's either, "you get that result" or "you don't get that result."

This is a disastrous way of looking at things. No wonder people are depressed, because their identity and self worth are tied into things outside of themselves!

That’s pretty ridiculous, if you ask me! They like themselves based on a reaction or "result" they get from a particular situation!

The truth is, you must love yourself regardless of what people think about you, regardless of whether you are a high-profile lawyer or a schoolteacher, regardless of whether you have $1,000,000 in the bank or $100 in the bank.

You might say, "Yes, but getting good results is what determines whether I’m successful in life!”

I'd reply to that, "You're good with or without that so-called success. What is good? It's a word, a 'title' you put on yourself. Only that. Nothing more. It's created by YOU. Good is only what you determine it to be.”

The biggest determinant of whether you will succeed in life, is how much you love yourself, and how little you need results in order to make you happy.

Finally, point #3. Did you know that....absolutely nothing ties you down right now?

You have no problems.

Wow...how rude of me to say that, to claim that someone else has no problems! How can I claim to know that?

It is this...RIGHT NOW, at this very moment, you have no problems. You are healthy, right now. You are alive, right now. You have food to eat, right now. You have clothes to wear, right now. You have shelter, a roof over your head, right now.

What is lacking?

NOTHING.

What you need is a full realization that you can do whatever you want, right now.

You have to really look at what YOU want out of life.

What do you want to do? It's your choice. In a few years, you and I will be no more, on this physical plane, on this planet Earth. Of course we will exist in other forms, perhaps be in another place.

But not in this same place, on this same Earth, in this same body, at this same time.

You're here for a reason...that is to fulfill your purpose, enjoy every good thing this physical Earth has to offer, while fully manifesting the spiritual, undying, powerful side of you to bring about positive, lasting change in yourself and in others.

Take a look outside...it's all perfect. The way the trees move. The way the sky is blue. It's all there for a reason. So are you.

Why not start today building the kind of life you want?

You want to work your way up in the company you're in now? Go for it!

You want to sail a boat around the cape of South Africa ? You do that!

You want to go live somewhere exotic? You can do it if you believe you can!

After you’ve applied the three points I mentioned earlier, and really integrated them within yourself, you will not only feel more confident, you will most definitely BE more confident. And that’s what we are looking for here, a true, lasting confidence that doesn’t wane or go away.

I can tell you from personal experience, and by observing countless other successful people, that this is possible and within your grasp. You need only claim what is rightfully yours – lasting, powerful confidence is a part of you right now if you choose it to be!

How One Quote Can Change Your Life

Arin Vahanian — Sun, 19 Aug 2007 16:38:36 GMT

Here is a quote by Mahatma Gandhi that changed my life for the better, changed the way I interact with people, and helped me add good and positive things in my relationships and in the world around me. I have implemented this into my daily life, with amazing results:

"You must be the change you want to see in the world."

I believe that if everyone implemented this belief into their lives, we would have much better relationships, we could significantly reduce crime, violence, and hatred, and we would see many more happy people, who in turn would contribute positively to the world and be a lot more likely to help others around them.

The best way to implement this belief into your life is a three-step process, which I found worked very well for me.

1. For starters, I would like you to repeat that quote several times right now, focusing on each word. Repeat it at normal speed, and really feel what it means to be a beacon of positive change, in your life and in everyone else’s as well.

If it helps, sit or stand in front of a mirror and repeat the quote to yourself, while looking in the mirror. What this will do is reinforce to yourself that you are a person who inspires positive change in others, and will solidify this belief into the core identity of who you are as a person.

2. Write the quote down on a piece of paper or type it out, and post it somewhere where you will see it every day. Posting it on the wall above your desk or on your refrigerator will work very well, as you go to those places every day.

3. Every night before you go to bed, and every morning when you wake up, repeat that quote out loud to yourself twice.

Do this for a period of two weeks, and if you find yourself really acting consistently with that statement, then you can forego this last step, as it has already been implanted into your belief system.

Essentially, every interaction you have with other humans...every discussion you have with your friends or family...every action that you do on a daily basis, should take into consideration that quote.

For example:

Other people are boring, you think? Then YOU be interesting and fun.

Other people have small-town mentalities? YOU have a big-town mentality, full of vibrancy, open-mindedness, and action!

Other people work too much? YOU don't work too much.

Other people are negative? YOU be positive.

Other people are impatient? YOU be patient.

Other people fight and drink? YOU make love.

Other people worry about money? YOU don't worry about money.

With everything you do or even everything you think, ask yourself, "Am I being the change that I want to see in my life, and the world?"

In the beginning, you will have to take a magnifying glass, a microscopic lens to your daily thoughts and actions, and see where you are putting your attention and focus. Otherwise, from my personal experience as well as observing countless others, it's right back to the negativity, chaos, and hatred that dominates many peoples’ lives.

I won’t talk too much about the subconscious mind here (indeed, a topic of such great importance deserves its own discussion, which I will devote some space to in this blog in the near future), but basically, your subconscious mind will do whatever you program it to do, and will believe anything you put in it.

So, for example, if somebody else cuts you off while you are driving, and you say to yourself, “I'll KILL that guy who just cut me off!", it's obvious that you don't actually MEAN it...but your subconscious doesn't know that. It only knows how to follow orders.

So what happens is, that negative statement gets programmed into your mind, without you even realizing it! And what happens after that is you harbor intense negativity and pain, and it gets manifested into your daily life.

If while driving, you do happen to get cut off by another person, you can say or think this instead: "Well, I'm glad I am safe and that the other person is also safe. He must have a very important matter to attend. I know he means no harm, and that could happen to anyone. In any case, I wish him all the best.”

Again, your subconscious mind does not know the different between negative and positive thoughts or statements. It just takes in whatever you give it, and implants beliefs accordingly into your mind.

So why not feed positive, good thoughts to subconscious mind, ones that will make your life, as well other peoples’ lives, joyful, interesting, and good?

It works like this: Garbage in, garbage out. Quality in, quality out!

In conclusion, that quote by Gandhi has single-handedly helped make my belief system and life a lot more positive, improved my relationships and interactions with other people, and created a lot more happiness in my life.

Remember…You must be the change you want to see in the world!

Try implementing this statement into your belief system for a period of one week, and you will see many interesting and fantastic changes take place...