How to Build True, Lasting Confidence

Posted by Arin Vahanian at 9/21/2007 11:38 AM
Categories: uncategorized
Do you know what ONE character trait nearly all very successful people have in common?
 
You most likely already know…when we look at really successful people, we almost always see a strong sense of confidence within them.
 
So how can one develop a strong sense of confidence within him or herself, especially if one hasn’t had the kind of “success” that seems to be requisite for having true confidence?
 
Building true confidence comes from a really foundational change within yourself. Not by changing everything about yourself, but by adopting a few core, key beliefs that will comprise the foundation of your spiritual and mental "castle."
 
So here is the foundation that I base absolutely everything on, when it comes to building and keeping true confidence.
 
Do you really want to know what it is?
 
It's so simple that it's almost embarrassing...
 
You have to love yourself. Absolutely. 100 percent. In everything you do. In everything you say. There can't be any room for not loving everything about yourself. Whether it's the way you walk to your car in the morning, whether it's the things you say to the cashier at the local supermarket, whether it's the way you sit down on the sofa to read a book, you have to love every inch of yourself. Notice how I didn't talk about accomplishments in this paragraph, but rather, normal, everyday things.
 
That’s because contrary to public opinion, confidence doesn't come from accomplishments. I always chuckle when I hear someone say, "I got really confident after I scored that goal/got that promotion at work/met that beautiful girl, etc." What he had was not confidence, but a short feeling of elation after accomplishing a goal he had, which is nice. But that's not long-lasting. It's temporary. And that's not what we are looking for. What we are looking for is long-lasting confidence.
 
Confidence that comes from externals is fleeting, insecure, and ego-driven. We all know this to be true, because what happens when that same person has a bad experience later? He feels down and depressed.
 
He has to have that confidence before he even gets on the pitch to play a game, whether he meets five beautiful women or none, and whether he gets a promotion or not. He has to have that confidence even before he wakes up in the morning and whether he is a professional hockey player or just on the high school team. His confidence is not related to results. His confidence is related to himself.
 
Externals can never bring true, lasting confidence, because confidence is not something that can come from the outside, from other people or outside forces.
 
This is probably the most difficult, yet most crucial thing to teach when it comes to confidence – that the belief comes first, not the accomplishments!
 
To build this kind of solid confidence, here are three points I’d like you to focus on:
 
1. You have to love yourself regardless of what may have happened in the past, or how you viewed yourself in the past.
 
2. You have to love yourself whether you have had that so-called “success” in your life so far, or not.
 
3. You have to love yourself regardless of the way things seem to be right now, because you can change nearly anything you want.
 
Really take a few moments and think about these three points. After you've spent some time considering these points, please read on.

Now, I will go over each one of these points in more detail.
 
With regard to point #1, many people really believe that their past makes them who they are today – which is not completely true.
 
While what happened in the past can contribute to the development of a human being, one's PRESENT is what makes one who he/she is TODAY. The way you feel about yourself today, the way you view yourself today, and the way you interpret the world around you today, all contribute greatly to who you are today. The Greek philosopher Heraclitus pointed out thousands of years ago that things are always in "flux," things are always changing. You are not the same person you were even last night.
 
Don't be concerned with what happened in the past, and I know it is easy for me to sit here and tell you that, but, believe me...you've no time for fretting about the past. You can only live right now.

Every moment spent thinking about the past takes away an opportunity to enjoy the present. You can only experience the present moment. All the rest is either a memory or has not yet come.
 
Now, point #2...this one is a bit tougher, and probably took me the most time to conquer and bury.
 
We live in a society where "all or nothing" or "black and white" thinking prevail.
 
I mean, it's either you get that result or you don't get that result.
 
This is a disastrous way of looking at things. No wonder people are depressed, because their identity and self worth are tied to things outside of themselves!

That’s pretty ridiculous, if you ask me. They like themselves based on a reaction or result they get from a particular situation!
 
The truth is, you must love yourself regardless of what people think about you, regardless of whether you are a high-profile lawyer or a janitor, and regardless of whether you have $1,000,000 in the bank or $100 in the bank.
 
You might say, "Yes, but getting good results is what determines whether I’m successful in life!”
 
I'd reply to that, "You're successful with or without those so-called results. What is 'successful'? It's a word, a title you put on yourself. Only that. Nothing more. It's created by you. Success is only what you determine it to be.”
 
One of the biggest determinants of whether you will succeed in life is how much you love yourself. Related to this is how little you need results in order to make yourself happy, which is of course also very important.
 
Finally, point #3. Did you know that...you have no problems?
 
Wow...how rude of me to say that, to claim that someone else has no problems! How can I claim to know that?
 
Here's why...RIGHT NOW, at this very moment, you have no problems. You are healthy, right now. You are alive, right now. You have food to eat, right now. You have clothes to wear, right now. You have shelter, a roof over your head, right now.
 
What is lacking?
 
Nothing.
 
What you need is a full realization that you can do the things you are passionate about in life, if you really dedicate yourself to them.
 
You have to really look at what you want out of life.
 
What do you want to do? It's your choice. In a few years, you and I will be no more, on this physical plane, on this planet Earth. Of course we might exist in other forms, perhaps be in another place.
 
But not in this same place, on this same Earth, in this same body, at this same time.
 
You're here for a reason...that is to fulfill your purpose and enjoy the good things this physical Earth has to offer, while fully manifesting the spiritual, undying, powerful side of yourself to bring about positive, lasting change in yourself and in others.
 
Take a look outside. Take a look at the way the trees sway, the way the sky is blue. It's all there for a reason. So are you.
 
Why not start today building the kind of life you want?
 
You want to work your way up in the company you're in now? Go for it!
 
You want to sail a boat around the cape of South Africa? You do that!
 
You want to go live somewhere exotic? You can do it if you believe you can!
 
After you’ve applied the three points I mentioned earlier, and really integrated them within yourself, you will not only feel more confident, you will most definitely BE more confident. And that’s what we are looking for here, a true, lasting confidence.
 
I can tell you from personal experience, and by observing countless other successful people, that this is possible and within your grasp. You need only claim what is rightfully yours – lasting, powerful confidence can be a part of you right now if you choose it to be!

 

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