How to Build True, Lasting Confidence
Posted by Arin Vahanian at 9/21/2007 11:38 AM and is filed under uncategorized 
Do you know what ONE character trait all very successful people have in common?
You most likely already know…when we look at really successful people, we almost always see a strong sense of confidence within them.
So how can one develop a strong sense of confidence within him or herself, especially if one hasn’t had the kind of “success” that seems to be requisite for having true confidence?
This is a question I’ve certainly been asked before, and I'll start off by saying, the good news is that your question is absolutely the easiest one for me to answer. Yet it is also the most difficult...because honestly, it doesn't depend on me. All of this depends on you.
Building true confidence comes from a really foundational change within yourself. Not necessarily changing everything about yourself, but changing a few core, key beliefs that will be a part of the foundation of your spiritual and mental "castle."
So here is the foundation that I base absolutely everything on, when it comes to building and keeping true confidence.
Do you want to hear it?
It's so simple that it's embarrassing...
You have to LOVE yourself. Absolutely. 100 percent. In everything you do. In everything you say. There can't be any room for not absolutely loving everything about yourself. Whether it's the way you walk to your car in the morning, whether it's the things you say to the cashier at the local supermarket, whether it's the way you sit down on the sofa to read a book, you have to love every inch of yourself. Notice how I didn't talk about accomplishments in this paragraph, but rather, everyday, mundane things.
That’s because, contrary to public belief, confidence doesn't come from accomplishments. I always chuckle when I hear someone say, "I got really confident after I scored that goal/got that promotion at work/met that beautiful girl, etc." What he had was not confidence, but a short feeling of elation after accomplishing a goal he had, which is nice. But that's not everlasting. It's temporary. And that's not what we are looking for. What we are looking for is PERMANENT confidence.
Confidence that comes from externals is fleeting, insecure, and ego-driven. We all know this to be true, because what happens when that same person has a bad experience next time? He feels down and depressed.
He has to have that confidence before he even gets on the pitch to play a game, whether he meets five beautiful women, or none, and whether he gets a promotion or not. He has to have that confidence before he even wakes up in the morning, whether he is a professional hockey player or just on the high school team. His confidence is not related to results. His confidence is related to HIMSELF.
Externals can never bring, true, everlasting confidence, because confidence is not something that can come from the outside, from other people or outside forces.
This is probably the most difficult, yet most crucial thing to teach when it comes to confidence – that the belief comes first, not the accomplishments!
To build this kind of solid confidence, here are three points I’d like you to focus on:
1. You have to love yourself regardless of what may have happened in the past, or how you viewed yourself in the past.
2. You have to love yourself whether you have had that so-called “success” in your life so far or not.
3. You have to love yourself regardless of the way things seem to be right now, because you can change anything you want, right now.
Really take a few moments and think about these three points...I will go into each one of these in more detail now.
In regards to point #1, this is a prime area, because many people really believe that their past makes them who they are today – which is simply not true.
Their PRESENT is what makes them who they are TODAY. How on Earth could something that happened years or months ago have any bearing on who they are today, because even as Heraclites pointed out thousands of years ago, things are always in "flux," things are always changing. You are not the same person you were, even last night.
You're literally MINUTES away from becoming the kind of person you want.
Don't be concerned with what happened in the past, and I know it easy for me to sit here and tell you that, but, believe me...you've no time for fretting about the past. You can only live right now.
Every moment spent thinking about the past takes away an opportunity to enjoy the present. You can only experience the present moment, you can only experience today. All the rest is either a memory or has not yet come.
Now, point #2...this one is a bit tougher, and probably took me the most time to conquer and bury.
We live in a society where "all or none", or "black and white" thinking prevail.
I mean, it's either, "you get that result" or "you don't get that result."
This is a disastrous way of looking at things. No wonder people are depressed, because their identity and self worth are tied into things outside of themselves!
That’s pretty ridiculous, if you ask me! They like themselves based on a reaction or "result" they get from a particular situation!
The truth is, you must love yourself regardless of what people think about you, regardless of whether you are a high-profile lawyer or a schoolteacher, regardless of whether you have $1,000,000 in the bank or $100 in the bank.
You might say, "Yes, but getting good results is what determines whether I’m successful in life!”
I'd reply to that, "You're good with or without that so-called success. What is good? It's a word, a 'title' you put on yourself. Only that. Nothing more. It's created by YOU. Good is only what you determine it to be.”
The biggest determinant of whether you will succeed in life, is how much you love yourself, and how little you need results in order to make you happy.
Finally, point #3. Did you know that....absolutely nothing ties you down right now?
You have no problems.
Wow...how rude of me to say that, to claim that someone else has no problems! How can I claim to know that?
It is this...RIGHT NOW, at this very moment, you have no problems. You are healthy, right now. You are alive, right now. You have food to eat, right now. You have clothes to wear, right now. You have shelter, a roof over your head, right now.
What is lacking?
NOTHING.
What you need is a full realization that you can do whatever you want, right now.
You have to really look at what YOU want out of life.
What do you want to do? It's your choice. In a few years, you and I will be no more, on this physical plane, on this planet Earth. Of course we will exist in other forms, perhaps be in another place.
But not in this same place, on this same Earth, in this same body, at this same time.
You're here for a reason...that is to fulfill your purpose, enjoy every good thing this physical Earth has to offer, while fully manifesting the spiritual, undying, powerful side of you to bring about positive, lasting change in yourself and in others.
Take a look outside...it's all perfect. The way the trees move. The way the sky is blue. It's all there for a reason. So are you.
Why not start today building the kind of life you want?
You want to work your way up in the company you're in now? Go for it!
You want to sail a boat around the cape of South Africa ? You do that!
You want to go live somewhere exotic? You can do it if you believe you can!
After you’ve applied the three points I mentioned earlier, and really integrated them within yourself, you will not only feel more confident, you will most definitely BE more confident. And that’s what we are looking for here, a true, lasting confidence that doesn’t wane or go away.
I can tell you from personal experience, and by observing countless other successful people, that this is possible and within your grasp. You need only claim what is rightfully yours – lasting, powerful confidence is a part of you right now if you choose it to be!
Thanks for submitting this article to the FitBuff Carnival. I've Dugg and Stumbled this post individually, so please return the favor by Digging and Stumbling the carnival to bring even more readers to your blog:
Digg It:
http://digg.com/health/Total_Mind_and_Body_Fitness_Blog_Carnival_18
Stumble It:
http://www.stumbleupon.com/submit?url=http://www.fitbuff.com/total-mind-and-body-fitness-blog-carnival-18/&title=Total%20Mind%20and%20Body%20Fitness%20Blog%20Carnival%2018
Reply to this
Excellent practical guidence. Thanks
Reply to this