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Help Yourself by Helping Others

"Why should I help others?" I recently heard someone say. Now, I am sure that may come across as a rather cold and callous statement to some of you. But in order to not take this person’s statement out of context, let me just say that he was under a tremendous mental strain at the time, because he had been going through some really tough times.

This can happen to even the best of us. That is, when we are embroiled in our own personal struggles, we often fail to recognize the plight of others. It then becomes much more difficult to empathize with other people, and going out of our way to help someone else is just about the last thing on our minds, because we are really focused on putting out our own personal fires.

But what I have noticed is that even in times of tranquility, many people don’t really understand why they should help others. From a very young age, we are told that giving aid to others is the right thing to do, but we are seldom given any concrete reasons why it is the right thing to do. It is quite obvious that when we help someone, they benefit from our assistance. But this explanation fails to address a very human sentiment: "What’s in it for me?" That’s precisely what this article is about, because many people haven’t really internalized why they should help other people and have no idea of the benefits it would bring to both themselves and the world.

So the question I’d like to answer today is, why is helping others a good thing? Furthermore, how does it benefit you? Believe it or not, many people are unaware of the many benefits of helping others. So in today’s blog entry, I will explain why helping others can be a huge boon to us, by giving clear and practical reasons.

Before I do that, however, let me share with you a quote from a book I recently re-read, which really inspired me. Rather than paraphrasing, I’ll repeat the words of the philosopher Seneca himself, from a passage in Letters from a Stoic:

"All mankind are stretching out their hands to you on every side. Lives that have been ruined, lives that are on the way to ruin are appealing for some help; it is to you that they look for hope and assistance. They are begging you to extricate them from this awful vortex, to show them in their doubt and disarray the shining torch of truth."

While it may seem obvious to some of us that we can help ourselves by helping others, it’s all too easy to get caught up in a mindset that says that we live in a dog-eat-dog world, where we must sink or swim, and where we must only look out for ourselves. And while I will admit that it is in our nature as humans to look out for ourselves first (after all, if we don’t, we risk the prospect of annihilation), we may also look out for others, in many cases, at no harm to ourselves.

What I am saying is that in many cases we can help others without losing anything in the process. In fact, we more often than not gain something by assisting someone else. There are three reasons that I can think of immediately how you can help yourself by helping others.

On a very basic level, just think about how you feel after you help someone. Whether it is a neighbor’s child you assist with his or her homework, whether it is a colleague you help move into a new house, or whether it is a homeless person you buy some food for, we genuinely feel good about helping other people. That’s part of being human. We tend to feel better about ourselves when we see that someone else’s life has been improved as a result of something we did for them.

Just the other day, while going up the escalator in a subway station, I saw a woman trying to carry a heavy bag down the stairs by herself with great difficulty. Fortunately, a man quickly came to assist her, and she thanked him profusely. I cannot imagine that the man did not feel better about himself after that. And as we well know, feeling good about oneself adds to one’s quality of life. What did that man lose as a result of helping the woman? He lost absolutely nothing. What did that man gain as a result of helping the woman? He gained her appreciation, he felt better about himself because he assisted her, and he didn’t have to go out of his way at all. He was merely going on the same path as that woman, and decided to aid her along the way. Similarly, you will lose nothing if you decide to help a child with his or her homework, or carry some items for someone who is unable to. And you will feel that someone else has progressed as a result of that act of kindness you performed.

Furthermore, when you help someone else out, you are contributing more goodness to the world. I am not trying to make you believe in karma or trying to inject some new age spiritualism or religion into you. What I am saying is that when you perform good deeds, there is a sort of good will that spreads as a result of those actions. How so? Because when you help someone, they feel good about the fact that they reached a certain goal they had, no matter how trivial it may seem. You feel good about having helped someone reach his or her goal. And thus, in the end, both of you walk away with a sense of accomplishment.

On a larger scale, imagine a city whose inhabitants are the victims of violent crimes or frequent acts of fraud, and where there is a general feeling of danger and distrust. They are, generally speaking, going to be less trusting of other people and are going to be more likely to move through life full of fear, anxiety, and sadness. This kind of environment does not offer as many opportunities for people to feel happy about the content of their daily experience, and in turn leads to a lower quality of life.

Now, imagine a city whose inhabitants are frequently on the receiving end of acts of kindness. Imagine that these people do not have to constantly worry about their own safety, and are confident that their lives will, for the most part, be full of fruitful opportunities and satisfying social interactions. By saying this, I don’t mean to imply that any location is perfect, or that we should try to create a utopia on Earth. There will be problems no matter where one lives, and this is irrespective of one’s race, ethnicity, financial situation, and other such factors. Human beings are not perfect, and we are all bound to make mistakes from time to time. But why shouldn’t we do our best to contribute as much goodness to the lives of our fellow human beings as possible, especially considering that we benefit directly from it? I can’t think of a single person I know who wouldn’t prefer to live in a safer, kinder, and happier world.

Part of the reason that we have so much pain and suffering in the world is because we inflict pain and suffering upon each other. Murder, robbery, assault, and other heinous crimes only add more evil to the world, and in turn destroy opportunities to create a happier, livelier, and more prosperous world. So every time you perform a good deed and assist someone in need, you are contributing to a better world in the process, and are reducing the amount of pain and suffering. And this directly benefits you.

Before we move on to the next point, let me clarify something. By helping others, I don’t mean that you should make sacrifices so great that you harm your own well-being in the process. For example, I am not saying that you should end up penniless because you gave your life savings away to a charitable organization. What I’m talking about is acts of kindness, whether of the random variety or not. I am talking about doing small, simple things for other people that don’t even require much effort on your part. These "small" deeds combined create a tremendous amount of goodness in the world. If everyone focused on performing a few good deeds every week, how much better would the world be?

Even the most cynical person will have to admit that helping others brings us great benefits. If nothing else, when you aid someone, they often feel obligated to return the favor at some point. While it is not guaranteed that they will do something nice for you, more often than not, they feel like they must do something good in return, since they have been helped.

Therefore, when you help someone else, they may very well return the favor to you at some point in the future. Even a stranger that you assist may become a very valuable person to you in the future. There are countless examples of someone befriending a person that they helped, and vice versa.

So, this week, why not set a goal for yourself of helping one person per day? That’s seven people in seven days. Don’t worry about whether the assistance you give seems big or small, just focus on helping that person. Give your seat on the train to an elderly person. Help your neighbor water his plants. Make a little bit more food than usual for dinner and give the rest to someone else. Donate an old jacket that you don’t need anymore to a homeless person. Volunteer at an orphanage on a Saturday morning. The possibilities are endless. And one thing is for sure – as you start performing these acts of kindness, you will see your quality of life improve in a way you never thought was possible.

And, after you help a person, no matter how small the assistance is, say to yourself, "Today I helped someone and felt good about it." Indeed, if we had a world full of people who were ready and willing to perform just one kind act every day, we would have a much better world, and would leave behind a wonderful legacy for our children and for future generations to come.

Posted by Arin Vahanian at 3/24/2010 8:37 AM | View Comments (1) | Add Comment

Why Life Is About Choice

Today’s blog entry was inspired by someone who asked me something to the effect of, “How do I increase the opportunities available to me, in all aspects of my life?”

My answer was shockingly simple. In fact, it was so simple that I wondered if it would be a good enough answer for him.

I told him, “To have more opportunities in your life, you have to choose to have more opportunities.”

It is my belief that for most people, life is about choice. Now, I am not talking about young children in the middle of a war zone or someone who has a catastrophic illness that will end his/her life soon (though even some of these people could learn to choose how they interpreted their respective situations).

Who I am talking about is adults like us, who live in developed countries, who are not dodging bullets or bombs on a daily basis, and who are not struggling to get food in the morning.

For most of us, life could be so much better – if we simply made the choice to live a more enjoyable and fulfilling life, rather than go down a path because someone else is doing it, or because we were taught to approach life in a certain way.

And the choice to live a better life is one you’ll have to make before you can actually get started on living a better life.

It all starts with a choice, and then an action. First, you choose to do something, and then you do it.

But when you make a choice to do something, you have to be really careful and make sure you fill your mind, spirit, and environment only with positive things, because too many people out there are negative or toxic, and this in turn negatively affects their quality and enjoyment of life.

Whatever you fill your mind and spirit with, that's what you're going to get in return.

So fill yourself only with goodness, love, and kindness, and then go out and do everything that you want to do in life.

If you think something is difficult, well, it most likely will be! Similarly, if you really believe it's easy, you will find ways to get it done, even if it isn’t that easy!

In today's society, we are always looking for that "magic pill" and don't want to make any effort to build something great. One example is people thinking that work has to always be enjoyable, and in turn seeking the “perfect” job, the one that will finally make them happy or fulfilled in their professional lives – this is a surefire recipe for disaster in terms of happiness and fulfillment.

The truth is that I don’t love every single second of my work, and it certainly has its difficulties, but overall, I really enjoy it. But that's because of the attitude I take toward what I am doing. I choose to accept that work is not going to be enjoyable 100 percent of the time, but that I'm working toward something great, and enjoying the process, even if it isn't perfect.

Even if you don’t love your job, you can still learn to enjoy certain aspects of it. I don’t think there’s any job out there that’s 100 percent bad. Even a garbage man could learn to make his job enjoyable (check out the classic book, “Flow,” to see what I’m talking about here).

Work, however, is only one part of life, and the key here is to choose to improve all facets of our lives. One method I have found for making sure I am on the path toward improving my life is this: before I go to bed every night, I look back at that day and go over what I did, and make sure it was productive and that I did my best to finish everything I needed to.

If you can say that you did your best to accomplish all that you needed to that day, then it was successful.

You have to ask yourself every day whether you are doing the things you really want to be doing, the things that contribute to your goals and your vision. And if you're not doing the things you want to be doing, you have to ask yourself very candidly, "Why not?" And you'd better have an answer for that "Why not" question!

Otherwise, life just slips into a meaningless routine of going to work, coming home, and eating dinner, only to repeat the same thing the next day, without much exuberance or enthusiasm. And then one ends up doing laundry over the weekend and maybe meeting friends for a drink or two and in turn, ends up like the many unfulfilled people who say, "Yes, I guess that's life."

This is the reality for most people on Earth.

But it does not have to be!

Let's not squander the many gifts we have to offer the world, and to ourselves. Let's not let a select few enjoy the fine things that the Earth has to offer. Let's dip into this cornucopia of wonder ourselves!

It's there for the taking...what will you do?

Here it is on...on a golden platter. You just have to take it. It's been given to you as a gift, for FREE.

What will you do? Will you take it?

Or will you continuously make excuses for yourself, and continue the same meaningless drudgery that will certainly doom you to a zombie-like, monotonous, unfulfilled existence?

Why not enjoy what the Earth has to offer; which means all the good, all the fun, all the excitement, all the adventure, and all the pleasure, while traveling the world, dating a beautiful woman (or a handsome man), experiencing new things, pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, and ultimately living life to its fullest and not having regrets.

What's it going to be?

I can hear some people out there saying, “Well, not everyone has a choice all the time. We have to pay bills, pay rent, and sometimes we have to do things we don’t like.”

But this blog entry is not about being reckless or irresponsible and avoiding reality. Indeed, we do have to pay bills and pay rent. And we sometimes have to do things we are not crazy about.

But my point is this: most people don’t come anywhere close to even trying to take their lives into their own hands, and instead get swept away like a log falling into a river.

I’ll tell you about someone who really had very little choice during a certain part of his life: Viktor Frankl, who was one of the more famous Holocaust survivors.

I will admit that Viktor Frankl had no choice when he was sent off to Auschwitz.

But we have a choice. We are not stuck in some concentration camp, although many people live life like they are!

Do I have your participation? Will you join me in the quest to enjoy all the good that the Earth has to offer?

Will you join me in the quest to eliminate excuses and hold ourselves accountable for our actions, and in turn eliminate inaction?

Will you join me in saying YES to the wonderful gifts that are given to us every day?

Will you join me in saying NO to drudgery, inaction, and monotony?

Try it for yourself today. Make a conscious choice to do something you have wanted to do, no matter how small it may seem. And after you have accomplished it, you will begin to know that life is about choice.

Posted by Arin Vahanian at 4/18/2009 9:46 PM | View Comments (3) | Add Comment

Why It Is Necessary to Live NOW

Recently, I saw enough death and morbidity in a single day to last me the rest of my life. And I hope to prove by this statement that today is the best day of my life and that today my breakfast tasted better than anything I ever had before...let me explain.
 
One beautiful Saturday morning, I went to my local hospital for a routine physical exam. I entered the monolithic, colossal building and was instructed to first go downstairs and get two photos taken of myself. I soon found the elevator and pressed the button for B2.
 
As soon as I got out of the elevator, WHAM – I ran smack-dab into a huge sign that read "Morgue." I nearly laughed out loud, as it caught me by surprise. And I thought to myself, “No, not yet!”
 
After getting the two photos taken, I walked back to the elevator, again seeing the enormous sign displaying "Morgue." This time I stood right in front of it for about 30 seconds and stared straight at it, figuring that there was no one else down there, and for good reason - as far as I know, dead people cannot get up and walk around.
 
Yes my friends, that is what awaits all of us, at least on this physical Earth, and that's why I took 30 seconds to stare at that sign.
 
I went back upstairs and to the examination area, where they were going to check my height, weight and blood pressure, and saw this old bald man in a wheelchair who reminded me of Telly Savalas, only he looked far worse. Well, technically speaking, he would have looked better than Telly, since Telly has been dead and buried for the last 13 years.
 
Anyway, he had his mouth wide open, his eyes in some kind of daze, and was sprawled onto the wheelchair, unable to move. He was probably a stroke victim.
 
I stopped and stared at him for a good 10 seconds, as he would not have been able to respond anyway. The poor guy probably wasn’t even aware of what was going on, nor would he have even had the ability to get up and tell me off for staring at him.
 
But that old man could be any one of us in a few years, so it is best that we move now, and get going toward our goals right away.
 
Thus I moved right along and got those tests done, then went downstairs and got my blood and urine samples taken care of. And that was the end of my physical exam, though not the end of the death and morbidity I witnessed that day.
 
I went outside and started walking back to my apartment, and along the way I saw a group of four or five adorable Chihuahuas, all running around and prancing playfully. Until one of them wandered out onto the street and WHAM - it was quickly turned into a heaping mess of blood and guts by a car that sideswiped it.
 
As the dog lay on the road, gushing blood like a small fountain, a little girl stood there crying her eyes out. A man calmly walked over to the dog, picked it up by its legs and dropped it into a nearby bush, while the other Chihuahuas curiously looked on, and then went over to it. I don’t know what happened afterward, as by that time I had already walked away, since there was nothing I could do about it. That whole scene I just described took no more than about 15 seconds.
 
And so it is with our lives, on this physical planet Earth. Your life on this material planet Earth can be ended in seconds.
 
I have told you this not to look like some morbidly depressed psychopath. I have told you this to remind you that there is limited time to give the world the gifts that you have inside. And it all starts with RIGHT NOW, the present moment.
 
But because you may not be able to relate with an old man or a Chihuahua, here’s a story about a young man.
 
A few months ago, I attended a networking group meeting, at which attendees give each other business referrals and help each other increase awareness of their businesses. After the meeting, I gave myself these three pieces of advice: savor and truly appreciate each day you are alive and healthy, understand and accept that tomorrow might be your last day, and forget about little annoyances that do not matter in the grand scheme of things.
 
The inspiration came from a really kind girl, who works for an insurance company. At the meeting, she told us about her 28-year-old boyfriend, who recently contracted lymphoma. For those of you who don't know what lymphoma is, it's basically a cancer of the immune system.
 
In other words, this is some serious stuff that can kill you.
 
So if I depart from this Earth tomorrow, I will be grateful just the same, and I will leave with open arms, just like I arrived. I won't be upset, ungrateful, annoyed, disappointed, or anything else like that, because I've been given 30 years of gifts every single morning, and for that, I am eternally grateful.
 
Similarly, I refuse to let small, insignificant things upset or bother me, because they mean absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things. I let them slide out of my life, and I let good things slide in.
 
A man's soul is his castle, and thus a man must only let into his castle that which represents all that is good and right in this world. His mindset and attitude are also part of his castle, and so he should keep both of these positive, regardless of what life throws at him.
 
If life throws something at you, well, you don't always have to play. You don't have to play catch with life. You can just refuse to pick up the ball, and instead be on your merry way, for you have a purpose, a vision, and goals.
 
Indeed, ours is a divine purpose! Really realize this, really let this sink into every part of you...your purpose is a divine purpose! Have you ever thought of that before? How many of you have actually considered that your purpose is a divine one?
 
What you're here for is to actualize your divine purpose. That is what you are here for.
 
So don't let yourself down, and don't let your multitude of "fans" down. There's a whole world waiting out there to receive your gifts, starting today.
 
And part of being able to deliver those gifts to the world is by cultivating the right attitude, and that attitude is this: savor and truly appreciate each day you are alive and healthy, understand and accept that tomorrow might be your last day, and forget about little annoyances that do not matter in the grand scheme of things.
 
I sincerely hope that 28-year-old guy recovers and beats the lymphoma, just like one of my friends beat leukemia. But no matter what happens, I want you to fully understand and accept that that 28-year-old could have been you. The fact that it isn't you is a gift that you must be grateful for.
 
But in today's society, most people do not have lymphoma - they have other things instead. They have anxiety, inaction, and unhappiness. Those can be killers of life just as much as lymphoma is. So let's not let that happen to any of us!
 
The next time you feel the urge to get angry about something, ask yourself, "Is this really worth getting upset about? Will this contribute to me enjoying my life more? Why not start enjoying my life right now and being grateful for everything, no matter what happens?"
 
You can start as of right now, if you haven't already started.
 
Life happens right now. Good things happen right now. Happiness is right now.
 
In the self-help community, they often point out that the average person in a first-world developed country lives about 28,000 days (nearly 77 years). 
 
Just out of curiosity, I decided to figure out how many days I have lived so far, knowing it would be a real motivator for me to up my intensity toward my purpose/goals even more.
 
I'm 30 years old, so that would be about 10,950 days lived so far. But I didn't just turn 30, so I'll have to take all the days after my 30th birthday into account too.
 
So that's a total of 11,119 days lived so far.
 
Some of you have lived more days than I have and some of you less than I have. Go ahead and total it up...it will really put things in perspective and make you understand just how valuable your time is.
 
But the more important question here is, how many days do we have left?
 
That's the crucial question, and unfortunately, not one we can answer.
 
Which means that every day we get is a precious gift, and one that we shouldn't fritter away doing useless things or making excuses for ourselves.
 
The time is NOW, my friends...RIGHT NOW.
 
Let's ask ourselves, are we doing all that we can to further our true core purposes every day?
 
If we're not, then we need to seriously make some changes RIGHT NOW and make sure that we start fulfilling our true purposes RIGHT NOW.
 
The way I see it, I've gotten 30 years of continuous presents every morning, in the form of life. So I want to make the best use of these presents, because I don't know how many more I have left. None of us knows how many more presents we have left.
 
Thirty years of presents, delivered unto me every morning. And I can honestly say for the first time in my life, I'm truly taking advantage of these presents. Because I consider the possibility that next week might be my last.
 
But there is no way of knowing how much time I have left - so I care not how much time I have, I care how I spend the time I have. So this week, how will you spend the time you have?
 
Will you go after things you want? Or continue making excuses, such as: "It can't be done," "It's impossible," "It's not for me," "I didn’t want it anyway," "What will my family think," "Life shouldn't be so difficult," etc.
 
Life actually isn't difficult or easy - it simply doesn't care about you. Stop thinking life should be easy, or that it is difficult and should be overcome. 
 
In fact, stop thinking so much, and just keep moving forward. That's the problem we have nowadays. We intellectualize life too much, when we should just be living it.
 
It all happens RIGHT NOW.
 
Go for it!

Posted by Arin Vahanian at 7/27/2008 7:30 AM | View Comments (11) | Add Comment

How to Defeat Adversity and Eliminate the Sticking Points in Your Life

We never know what we are capable of until we face adversity. This is a fact that is discussed and bandied about quite often, but we are rarely ever taught how to approach and overcome adversity. The tone of today’s entry will probably come across as slightly different from what you are accustomed to reading here, but today's topic is nonetheless an absolutely crucial one. In fact, I decided to combine two different topics into one: defeating the adversity you face, and eliminating any sticking points you have in life.
 
Before we start, I’ll explain what I mean by “sticking points.” To me, a sticking point is a difficulty or limiting belief you have that is holding you back from moving forward in a given endeavor. In short, it is something that is holding you back from accomplishing something in your life. Different people have different sticking points in different areas of their lives. For example, someone might have sticking points in his business, which hold him back from increasing sales and ultimately his profit, or taking risks that could move the business forward. Others might have sticking points when it comes to attracting members of the opposite sex. Nonetheless, sticking points exist for everyone, but can be dealt with and eliminated with conscientious practice, dedication, and a belief in the goodness of your endeavor.
 
Now, the reason I decided to combine the two topics instead of having two separate blog entries was that I realized that the two are inextricably linked to each other. Having a sticking point in life is a form of adversity, and facing adversity can in turn bring your sticking points out into the open.
 
But first I’d like to talk about adversity and how we can overcome it. Defeating adversity is a two-step process:
 
First, you fully accept what has happened to you (i.e. you have just been diagnosed with diabetes, you have less than $500 in the bank, you have no stable job, etc.), and admit it more honestly and openly than you ever have before. You admit it by verbalizing it or writing it down on paper and hence bringing it out into the open, and then you accept that those things have happened to you without taking it personally or feeling like the world has decided to pick on you. You admit what is going on in your life situation now as readily as you admit that the sun is shining in the sky, or that you are reading this blog right now.
 
Why? Because most people will avoid doing this; that is, admitting that something has happened to them that has changed their life situation. We have a tendency to want to shield ourselves from pain, or even from change that is not totally enjoyable. But when we admit and accept that this stuff has happened and that it is part of our life situation, and not our lives or who we are, only then can we hope to get over these difficulties. The reason that these so-called “tragedies” are not part of our lives or who we are is that they do not define us as people, and often times, most of these “terrible” situations are temporary and go away. In the case of an illness, even if it is something like diabetes and cannot be cured, it still isn’t a part of who you are as a person. Nobody can be defined by an illness, or their job, or what items they own. YOU decide what you are defined by, and it most certainly isn’t an item you own or a physical condition.
 
Second, you tell yourself, "Now that I have admitted to myself that I am facing adversity, I am going to do whatever is necessary to overcome it.” And then you fight, and you hack, and you claw, and you slice, and you push your way through this morass of desperation, sadness, pain, forlornness, financial destitution, or whatever else has happened to you, one by one. Now, I don’t mean that you literally have to fight and kick and claw things. I mean, figuratively speaking, that you must not allow temporary setbacks or a couple of unfavorable events destroy your life.
 
The best way to fight back is the two-step method I just mentioned. First, admit to yourself that it has happened, and second, do whatever is necessary to overcome it. If you just lost a lot of money in your business, continue with sound business deals and earn back the money you lost. If you have been diagnosed with an illness, do whatever is necessary to take care of your health and continue life as you were before the illness occurred. If you break up with your significant other, life simply must go on – admit that it happened and then bring joy into someone else’s life.
 
But the reason that the second step is crucial is that just admitting you are facing adversity is not enough. The more you take adversity and what people call “bad luck” without doing anything constructive about it, the more it will continue happening. That is why there are some people who have bad things happening to them for years, and they wonder why it won't ever go away. The answer to destroying this painful cycle is to become dedicated to eliminating our destructive beliefs and limiting thought patterns, and to become totally focused on what is going on at the present moment. And we do this by admitting what has happened, and then remaining in the present while doing whatever is necessary to improve our situation.
 
Here is the bottom line: You never know what you are capable of until you face adversity.
 
You might be thinking now, "What's all this nonsense you are spouting…my problems are real, and my situation is terrible. Life is not supposed to be like this. Life is not supposed to full of problems and pain."
 
Your situation might seem like it is terrible. But it's temporary...and just imagine the power you will have once you have conquered this. It's like slaying a fire-breathing dragon that has terrorized the citizens of your town.
 
Admit and fully accept your situation - and then take a broadsword to your troubles, with a passion, zeal, and understanding of life that would make the greatest philosophers smile proudly.
 
And this leads us to our next topic: eliminating sticking points.
 
First we must understand that encountering sticking points is a good thing, and an essential thing. This is because sticking points often appear when we are doing something right. Yes, you read correctly…they often appear when we are on the right path.
 
I believe that nothing good was ever created without having to conquer some kind of sticking point. The cures we have developed for diseases that used to ravage mankind, the marvelous monuments we have created, and indeed, commonplace everyday things like plumbing, heating, a clean water supply, and sanitation – all of these came about after we struggled and overcame hardships and sticking points en route to helping our fellow human beings live better lives.
 
Similarly, when you are trying to develop your business, improve your skills at attracting the opposite sex, or studying diligently to find a cure for cancer – you will no doubt encounter sticking points. The key here is to overcome these sticking points. And the only way they can be overcome is by continuing forward with an undying belief that you are doing something right and are contributing goodness into your life and into the lives of others, while also focusing on the present, and enjoying every moment of what you are doing.
 
Part of the reason we don’t overcome our sticking points has to do with what we have been taught from a young age. We are often told that certain things, or even many things, are impossible, just too difficult, or unattainable. We are often told by our parents, teachers, and people in society to be “realistic.” But my question is, what if much of what we were taught when we were young about being "realistic" is not true?
 
What if many limits are not real? What if we can change our own personal "universe" just by changing our thoughts, beliefs, and actions? What if we were just a few steps away from living a completely different life, on a spiritual, emotional, and physical level?
 
Ask yourself just what is possible, and whether you have been realizing this...or whether you have been living in a daze, with a surface understanding of this. I know I had been, until fairly recently.
 
When you have sticking points, it is best to write them down with as much detail as possible (while still being reasonable -- there is no need to write five pages about one sticking point), and then dedicate yourself to overcoming them by taking quick, decisive action.
 
You must literally isolate and identify the sticking points, bad habits, or difficulties you are having in your life, and pick them off ONE BY ONE like a well-trained sniper. Otherwise, at best, they will continue to linger, or, at worst, will proliferate. Focus on what needs to be done, and exactly what you need to do to overcome each sticking point that you have written down.
 
And when you get that kind of focus, it will almost be scary. It will feel as if an unseen force is guiding your actions.  
 
And if something doesn't go your way, laugh at it, and then get right back on that horse and stay determined to get it handled. It's like being on autopilot, but in a GOOD way. Anything that doesn't matter does not get any attention from you and does not even exist in your reality. Any thoughts or ideas that you might not be able to succeed are similarly vanquished from your mind, as well as any negative thought patterns. You simply have no time or space for them.
 
There are those mornings when you get up, and you feel like maybe something is “off.” Then something else happens during that day. Your boss tells you that you messed up a report and that you suck at life. Your girlfriend goes into a hysterical fit about her cat. Some guy spills a drink on you at the local restaurant or bar. Maybe it's cloudy outside. You see a beautiful woman you failed to approach a week ago, now dating the guy who used to beat you up during high school. Something happens that day, or maybe nothing happens that day, but you feel, you know, your state is off and you fall into the doldrums.
 
And we all know how that is, since we have all been through that. It’s like playing dominoes, things just get worse and then you spiral into depression, or whatever you like to call it.
 
BUT, what if we were to interrupt all those useless thought patterns, and just do things our own way? What if we were to say "NO" to all the negativity and limiting beliefs that try to drag us down on a daily basis, and say "YES" to feeling present, and overcoming hardships on our way to accomplishing a whole lot of good things?
 
This is something that only you can decide for yourself. I can write all I want about overcoming adversity and eliminating sticking points, but at the end of the day it will be up to you to take action and decide to make your life as good as possible. And that starts with being totally in the present, and focusing on what is going on in your life right now, and being dedicated to working on improving your life.
 
So, in summary, overcoming sticking points, in my mind, is based on two factors:
 
1. Approaching everything you do with the hopes of adding value into people's lives, and the world.
 
2. Barreling through any and all obstacles, one by one, on your way to accomplishing your goal(s) and vision.
 
At the end of the day, sticking points are just temporary excuses. Whether they are biological, part of society programming, or just limiting beliefs, is not important. What is important is knocking them down like bowling pins en route to a glorious strike.
 
Monsieur L'Abbat, who wrote the 18th century book "The Art of Fencing," says: "Courage and skill often being of little use without a good weapon, I think it necessary, before I lay down rules for using it, to show how to choose a good blade, and how it ought to be mounted."
 
We live in different times now, but we still need a good weapon. This weapon is our state of being. And our state of being must be impenetrable! Our thoughts, beliefs, and actions comprise our spiritual castle. And our castle is impregnable!

Posted by Arin Vahanian at 7/20/2008 8:32 AM | View Comments (1) | Add Comment

Why We Are All Connected To Each Other

I shall begin today’s blog entry with a simple but profound question: How connected are you?
 
Now, I'm not asking you how many business contacts you have or how many people in your industry/neighborhood/social circle know you or even if you are very sociable.
 
I mean, have you really grasped the fact that you experience part of your life every day through others? Before you continue reading, please ask yourself this question and then answer it honestly.
 
I imagine that some people out there have never even considered this to be a possibility. And indeed, there may even be people out there who would completely disregard this as being a possibility.
 
We are very seldom asked such questions – but I believe this question is among the most relevant on Earth today. And there is nothing esoteric about any of this – this is something actually rather simple, but not something that many people have ever really considered.
 
In today’s society, we are led to believe from a very young age that we are separate from others, that we are different from others, and that many people will stand in our way when we try to achieve success in our lives and that we must overcome those difficulties, and in essence, those other people.
 
And it is this very belief of separateness that has led to all the wars, violent conflicts, and many other evils in our world today.
 
When we interact with people, be it business associates, people that we’d like to date, family members, friends, or even strangers on the street, we need to understand that even though we are interacting with a different person, he or she is part of the same collective consciousness that we are.
 
How so? Because this person exists just as much as we do, has goals, dreams, and desires, just as we do. This person is not just a collection of atoms and nerves and bones – this person is a living, breathing, active being, full of energy, and has just as much a right to experience the wonders of this planet Earth and beyond, as we do.
 
Whether you consider a person to be “good,” “bad,” “interesting,” “boring,” “weird,” “amazing,” “beautiful,” “ugly,” or any of the other adjectives we use to describe other people, realize that this person has the same right to strive for enlightenment and happiness that you do. And this person would gladly put him or herself toward the path of enlightenment and happiness, if he or she only knew how.
 
So it is our duty as fellow human beings, part of the same collective whole, the same collective consciousness, to help ourselves come to this awareness and then to help as many people as we can to also reach this awareness for themselves.
 
The desires we have in our lives, be it the desire to close a business deal, make love to someone, make a new friend, or have a deep conversation with a family member, are really just a desire to unite.
 
We are connected to the people we come into contact with on a daily basis, and even people we do not come into contact with, people who we have not even met yet.
 
Let me give you an example. This morning I left my apartment and went to get some food, and ran into two little boys who live on the second floor. I occasionally run into them, and they are thrilled when they see me. One of the kids, upon seeing me on the street, ran up to me, hugged my leg and said, "I love you!"
 
Now, some people may disregard that and say, "Well, it's just a kid babbling...who cares. He doesn't know what he's talking about."
 
But if we just take a moment and think about how that child expressed how he felt inside, we know very well that he knows what he is talking about. He may not “love” me, but he sure felt good to see me – and this is what happens when you feel a connection to others. You enjoy seeing them and interacting with them, and they will in turn reciprocate your kindness and love.
 
That whole scene blew my mind...that kid running up to me, giving me a big hug as best he could, and saying, "I love you." I quite frankly didn't know what to do as I was caught off-guard, so I just smiled, gave him a hug back, and felt good about the fact that more happiness was brought into the world.
 
And I realized once again that we are all connected, in some way, shape or form.
 
But how are “total strangers” connected to us? People we have not yet met? This is again very simple yet profound – you are always one step away from meeting a new person that may help change the direction of your life, either slightly or dramatically. You are always one step away from meeting a person who needs your help, a person that helps you get a new and more interesting job, a person who introduces you to a book that changes your perception of things or your entire worldview interpretation, or even a person who breaks your heart.
 
All of these people have a role to play, in your life, in their lives, and also in the lives of others. Others’ decisions and actions put them on the path to meeting you, interacting with you, and likewise, your decisions and actions will lead you to meet and interact with different people. It is for this reason that we are all connected – our decisions and actions change the course of human lives and human history.
 
When I was a kid, I never even dreamed of being able to live on four different continents by the time I reached 30. But that is precisely what I have done. I never imagined I would make the extraordinary friends I have made, see the wonderful places I’ve seen, and experience the hardships and challenges that I have experienced.
 
Through good and bad, all of the people I have met and even those who I have not yet met, in some way helped change or shape my life into what it is today. And I appreciate them for that.
 
But again, why feel connected to other people? Because without the awareness that we are all connected to each other, people are just going to go through the same suffering and nonsense they have been going through since the dawn of time.
 
Even when times are tough, or people don’t seem to be treating you the way you really want to be treated, they are depending on you to help them. It is all a test of your fortitude and your desire to bring about positive change within yourself, and within others too.
 
So there is no time for self-pity, but only self-acceptance, and to bring about positive lasting change in people's lives and in your life as well, on a daily basis.
 
Some of you doubters out there might ask, “Why on Earth should I accept this theory of connectedness? We are all different from each other, we come from different parents, we have different religions, we are born in different countries, and we speak different languages. We are just different and we must accept that.”
 
Well, there is a very good reason why it would behoove us to believe that we are connected, rather than separate and different. And it is a very practical reason. Let me explain:
 
Believing in the theory of separateness brings us: needless arguments and conflicts, violence, wars, being overly suspicious of other people, and other negative and ultimately destructive events and behaviors.
 
Believing in the theory of connectedness brings us: fruitful discussions with others, an avoidance of violence and wars, believing in the goodness of oneself and others, creating and keeping good friendships and relationships, and ultimately creating a better world for oneself and for others.
 
Unless one is completely insane, he or she would prefer the outcomes resulting from following the theory of connectedness.
 
No matter what your religion, age, gender, personal history, ethnic background, or physical condition, you can believe that you are connected to others and it will enrich your life beyond anything you have ever imagined, without conflicting with any religious or spiritual beliefs you may have. Even an atheist can comfortably believe he or she is connected to other people, without having to start believing in a religion.
 
This does not mean, however, that you should give up your individuality or not strive to be the best person you can be.
 
You can be your own person, have your own interests, desires, and goals, but also realize that you are in some way connected to everyone else on this planet. This way, you can have your own life, and also ensure that others have their own lives, but also contribute to a safer, more peaceful, more accepting, and more positive world.
 
It may not be easy, but ultimately, it is much more rewarding and much more enjoyable than the alternative – to disconnect from others and add to the strife, violence, and negativity that exist in today’s world.
 
That is why I know I am connected to others – because the lack of awareness of this fact is a major cause of the evils and pain existing on this physical Earth, and I don’t want to add any more pain to this world. I strive to add only goodness as a result of my thoughts, beliefs, and actions.
 
So I invite you to put this to the test. Here’s something you can try that will improve the quality of your relationships with others and ultimately the quality of your life, dramatically. Starting tomorrow morning and for the next seven days, each time you see a person, tell yourself, “I am connected to this person.” There is no need to say this out loud, but just say it to yourself internally.
 
If your mind tries to create doubts, you simply answer, “I don't know yet in what way I am connected to this person, but I simply know that I am connected to this person, and that's what matters.”
 
Try this with every person you see and every person you come into contact with, be it a stranger that you have never met, your co-workers, your girlfriend, your father, absolutely everyone.
 
And after you have done this for a week (seven days in a row), you are welcome to write me and let me know what happened.
 
I know that if you try this experiment, you will most certainly start seeing for yourself the awesome power of this statement: You experience part of your life every day through others.

Posted by Arin Vahanian at 6/20/2008 5:00 AM | View Comments (80) | Add Comment

How to Get Rid Of Excuses NOW and Start Living the Kind of Life You’ve Always Wanted

Do you give yourself reasons why you can’t do something you really want to?
 
Do you feel like your life is full of difficulties and insurmountable challenges?
 
Are you unsatisfied with the kind of life you’re living right now or feel that your life is uneventful and monotonous?
 
Then today’s blog entry is just for you…
 
Today’s topic is one that will hit closer to home than many are comfortable with, and this includes myself. In fact, I have wanted to write something like this for a long time, but I often wondered whether I would be able to really get my points across clearly and not offend some people in the process.
 
But I eventually realized that sometimes, it’s necessary to talk about an issue that is really important to you, and that when you care enough about bringing about positive change to people's lives, you should not let anything stop you from sharing information that might help people improve their lives dramatically.
 
So I have decided to write about how we can help ourselves eliminate one of the most destructive barriers to self-improvement and self-realization – namely, excuse-making.
 
The truth is that every human since the beginning of time has made excuses, and everyone will keep making excuses – the aim here is not to eliminate every single excuse uttered by every single person on Earth. Rather, it is to help people eliminate the unnecessary excuses they make that prevent them from succeeding in their relationships, in business, and in nearly every other aspect of their lives.
 
Once in a while, the excuses we make for not doing something are very valid and legitimate. Barring divine miracles, one can’t participate in a competitive sporting match with a broken leg, nor can someone become a billionaire overnight when he is dirt poor and living on the street. Success takes lots of introspection, patience, and passion, and we have to realize that if we want success in every aspect of our lives, that it may take some time to achieve it.
 
However, I have seen too many people, and this again includes myself, make trifling little excuses that prevent them from doing something that would otherwise be easily accomplished. From my personal experience, many of the excuses we make are just that – excuses. They can be easily eradicated and we can thus set ourselves on the path to accomplishing nearly anything we want.
 
I have thus developed a three-step method for dealing with excuse-making and making sure that it becomes a thing of the past:
 
  1. Catch yourself making the excuse when it happens.
  2. Reframe the excuse and either state clearly or write down why it is not true.
  3. Prescribe a course of action that will eliminate the excuse for good and set you on your way to success.
I shall now elaborate on each one of these points separately, as well as list examples of typical excuses people make. Then, I will explain how to overcome these excuses and spur oneself to action, and ultimately, success.
 
Step 1 – Catch yourself making the excuse when it happens.
 
From personal experience I have seen that we most often aren’t even aware that we are making excuses for not doing something. It is because we are so accustomed to making excuses that we aren’t even aware that they are excuses; we assume that life should be difficult and that these challenges are insurmountable.
 
But the truth is that the more you make excuses, the more excuse-making becomes a part of you.
 
Let me repeat that: the more you make excuses, the more excuse-making becomes a part of you.
 
And the only way to eliminate excuse-making from your life is to catch it immediately when it rears its ugly head.
 
However, an important thing to note here is that whenever you catch yourself making an excuse, you should never put yourself down in the process. The excuse is not a part of you – it is something extraneous and completely unnecessary. Quite often we utter excuses as a knee-jerk reaction, because we are not yet fully aware of the incredible powers we possess within, powers that would shatter those excuses to pieces and out of our lives forever.
 
So the best way to catch yourself making an excuse is to pay close attention to your thoughts, especially when it comes time to make a decision, take action, or try something new.
 
Some key words and phrases that pop up when we make excuses are:
 
“Can’t”
“Couldn’t”
“Shouldn’t”
“Maybe”
“Difficult”
“Impossible”
“But”
“I’m too busy/old/young/inexperienced/etc.”
“Should have”
“What if”
 
There are certainly more words/phrases out there that should tip you off, but these are some of the ones I have found myself coming up with.
 
Step 2 - Reframe the excuse and either state clearly or write down why it is not true.
 
Identifying the excuse is not enough to eliminate it. We must then reveal it for what it is – untrue and unnecessary. Some people like to do this step in their heads, but I recommend that you use a piece of paper.
 
Write down why the excuse is not true, in clear, concise words. You often won’t need any more than a sentence or two to reveal why the excuse is untrue.
 
Here’s an example: “There’s no reason why I can’t finish this case study by tomorrow morning – I often finish case studies just like this one in a few hours.”
 
This is the first step toward coming to the awareness and realization of just how powerful we are, and of all the great things we are capable of doing.  All we want to do here is disarm the excuse and not give it any reason to exist anymore. Once you have disarmed the excuse, it will be nearly dealt with.
 
Step 3 - Prescribe a course of action that will eliminate the excuse for good and set you on your way to success.
 
This is perhaps the most important part of the three-step method, because even though you have identified the excuse and written down why it is not true, if you don’t continue on a course of action, you’ll let the excuse “live” and come back to haunt you again another day.
 
So what needs to be done here is to write down exactly what you are going to do to move toward your goal, when you are going to start doing it, and finally, take action.
 
For example, if you have identified that you made an excuse about why you couldn’t finish that case study by tomorrow, and explained to yourself why it was an excuse, you could then continue by writing, “I am spending the next two hours on this case study and I am going to finish it well before the deadline of tomorrow morning.”
 
Another important thing to remember is that you don’t want to get tied down writing pages and pages about your “problem,” nor do you want to get stuck on semantics or start analyzing or thinking too much. The purpose of this three-step method is to get you to dismiss excuses that hold you back from success and get moving in the right direction – toward success.
 
Here are some examples of the three-step method in action:
 
Excuse: “I don’t have enough time to exercise three times a week – I’m just too busy.”
 
Remedy: “While it is true that I am busy in my daily life, I also have to admit to myself that I have some free time nearly every day. What I can do is starting tomorrow, exercise for 30 minutes, and repeat that two more days per week. I’ll still have time to do all the things I have to do, my life won’t be altered drastically, and I’ll get the exercise I wanted.”
 
Excuse: “I’m too old to learn another language or take up a new hobby. I should have done that years ago. Now it is too late!”
 
Remedy: "While it is true that I am older than some people who start learning a new language or a new hobby, I am also younger than some people who have done the same things. If they did it, then therefore I can as well. Tomorrow I will enquire at the local college about taking a language course, and also get in touch with my friend who happens to be good at the hobby I’m considering starting.”
 
And now, I’m going to run this three-step method on myself, and reveal an excuse that may surprise you:
 
Excuse: “I think I’m going to hold off writing that blog entry about making excuses – if I write something like that there would be a lot of pressure to make it perfect, and besides, it might anger some people because basically everyone, including myself, makes excuses.”
 
Remedy: “While it is true that my blog entry may anger some people (let’s face it, not everyone is going to like what I write), I believe it will help many more people than it will tick off. The reason I am writing this blog entry is that I have a passion for helping people improve their lives. And if I can do that, then this will all be worth it. Furthermore, no one on Earth is capable of writing perfectly all the time. So I’m finishing up the blog entry tonight and publishing it right after that.”
 
So there you have a three-step method that will help you deal with excuse-making. While my method isn't perfect, and there are other methods/strategies one can use to deal with this part of his/her life that may be superior, I have found that this three-step method has worked well for me, and I wanted to share it with you.
 
I also hope this blog entry will help people recognize when they are making excuses and help propel them toward action, toward accomplishing all the things they want to do, and ultimately, toward self-realization and happiness.

Posted by Arin Vahanian at 4/24/2008 5:10 AM | View Comments (14) | Add Comment

How to Build True, Lasting Confidence

Do you know what ONE character trait nearly all very successful people have in common?
 
You most likely already know…when we look at really successful people, we almost always see a strong sense of confidence within them.
 
So how can one develop a strong sense of confidence within him or herself, especially if one hasn’t had the kind of “success” that seems to be requisite for having true confidence?
 
Building true confidence comes from a really foundational change within yourself. Not by changing everything about yourself, but by adopting a few core, key beliefs that will comprise the foundation of your spiritual and mental "castle."
 
So here is the foundation that I base absolutely everything on, when it comes to building and keeping true confidence.
 
Do you really want to know what it is?
 
It's so simple that it's almost embarrassing...
 
You have to love yourself. Absolutely. 100 percent. In everything you do. In everything you say. There can't be any room for not loving everything about yourself. Whether it's the way you walk to your car in the morning, whether it's the things you say to the cashier at the local supermarket, whether it's the way you sit down on the sofa to read a book, you have to love every inch of yourself. Notice how I didn't talk about accomplishments in this paragraph, but rather, normal, everyday things.
 
That’s because contrary to public opinion, confidence doesn't come from accomplishments. I always chuckle when I hear someone say, "I got really confident after I scored that goal/got that promotion at work/met that beautiful girl, etc." What he had was not confidence, but a short feeling of elation after accomplishing a goal he had, which is nice. But that's not long-lasting. It's temporary. And that's not what we are looking for. What we are looking for is long-lasting confidence.
 
Confidence that comes from externals is fleeting, insecure, and ego-driven. We all know this to be true, because what happens when that same person has a bad experience later? He feels down and depressed.
 
He has to have that confidence before he even gets on the pitch to play a game, whether he meets five beautiful women or none, and whether he gets a promotion or not. He has to have that confidence even before he wakes up in the morning and whether he is a professional hockey player or just on the high school team. His confidence is not related to results. His confidence is related to himself.
 
Externals can never bring true, lasting confidence, because confidence is not something that can come from the outside, from other people or outside forces.
 
This is probably the most difficult, yet most crucial thing to teach when it comes to confidence – that the belief comes first, not the accomplishments!
 
To build this kind of solid confidence, here are three points I’d like you to focus on:
 
1. You have to love yourself regardless of what may have happened in the past, or how you viewed yourself in the past.
 
2. You have to love yourself whether you have had that so-called “success” in your life so far, or not.
 
3. You have to love yourself regardless of the way things seem to be right now, because you can change nearly anything you want.
 
Really take a few moments and think about these three points. After you've spent some time considering these points, please read on.

Now, I will go over each one of these points in more detail.
 
With regard to point #1, many people really believe that their past makes them who they are today – which is not completely true.
 
While what happened in the past can contribute to the development of a human being, one's PRESENT is what makes one who he/she is TODAY. The way you feel about yourself today, the way you view yourself today, and the way you interpret the world around you today, all contribute greatly to who you are today. The Greek philosopher Heraclitus pointed out thousands of years ago that things are always in "flux," things are always changing. You are not the same person you were even last night.
 
Don't be concerned with what happened in the past, and I know it is easy for me to sit here and tell you that, but, believe me...you've no time for fretting about the past. You can only live right now.

Every moment spent thinking about the past takes away an opportunity to enjoy the present. You can only experience the present moment. All the rest is either a memory or has not yet come.
 
Now, point #2...this one is a bit tougher, and probably took me the most time to conquer and bury.
 
We live in a society where "all or nothing" or "black and white" thinking prevail.
 
I mean, it's either you get that result or you don't get that result.
 
This is a disastrous way of looking at things. No wonder people are depressed, because their identity and self worth are tied to things outside of themselves!

That’s pretty ridiculous, if you ask me. They like themselves based on a reaction or result they get from a particular situation!
 
The truth is, you must love yourself regardless of what people think about you, regardless of whether you are a high-profile lawyer or a janitor, and regardless of whether you have $1,000,000 in the bank or $100 in the bank.
 
You might say, "Yes, but getting good results is what determines whether I’m successful in life!”
 
I'd reply to that, "You're successful with or without those so-called results. What is 'successful'? It's a word, a title you put on yourself. Only that. Nothing more. It's created by you. Success is only what you determine it to be.”
 
One of the biggest determinants of whether you will succeed in life is how much you love yourself. Related to this is how little you need results in order to make yourself happy, which is of course also very important.
 
Finally, point #3. Did you know that...you have no problems?
 
Wow...how rude of me to say that, to claim that someone else has no problems! How can I claim to know that?
 
Here's why...RIGHT NOW, at this very moment, you have no problems. You are healthy, right now. You are alive, right now. You have food to eat, right now. You have clothes to wear, right now. You have shelter, a roof over your head, right now.
 
What is lacking?
 
Nothing.
 
What you need is a full realization that you can do the things you are passionate about in life, if you really dedicate yourself to them.
 
You have to really look at what you want out of life.
 
What do you want to do? It's your choice. In a few years, you and I will be no more, on this physical plane, on this planet Earth. Of course we might exist in other forms, perhaps be in another place.
 
But not in this same place, on this same Earth, in this same body, at this same time.
 
You're here for a reason...that is to fulfill your purpose and enjoy the good things this physical Earth has to offer, while fully manifesting the spiritual, undying, powerful side of yourself to bring about positive, lasting change in yourself and in others.
 
Take a look outside. Take a look at the way the trees sway, the way the sky is blue. It's all there for a reason. So are you.
 
Why not start today building the kind of life you want?
 
You want to work your way up in the company you're in now? Go for it!
 
You want to sail a boat around the cape of South Africa? You do that!
 
You want to go live somewhere exotic? You can do it if you believe you can!
 
After you’ve applied the three points I mentioned earlier, and really integrated them within yourself, you will not only feel more confident, you will most definitely BE more confident. And that’s what we are looking for here, a true, lasting confidence.
 
I can tell you from personal experience, and by observing countless other successful people, that this is possible and within your grasp. You need only claim what is rightfully yours – lasting, powerful confidence can be a part of you right now if you choose it to be!

Posted by Arin Vahanian at 9/21/2007 11:38 AM | View Comments (9) | Add Comment

How One Quote Can Change Your Life

Here is a quote by Mahatma Gandhi that changed my life for the better, changed the way I interact with people, and helped me add good and positive things to my relationships and to the world around me. I have implemented this into my daily life, with amazing results:
 
"You must be the change you want to see in the world."
 
I am sure that if everyone implemented this belief into their lives, we would have much better relationships, we could significantly reduce crime, violence, and hatred, and we would see many more happy people, who would in turn contribute positively to the world and be a lot more likely to help others around them.
 
One way to implement this belief into your life is a three-step process, which I found worked very well for me:
 
1. For starters, I would like you to repeat that quote out loud several times right now, focusing on each word. Repeat it at normal speed, and really feel what it means to be a beacon of positive change, in your life and in everyone else’s as well.
 
If it helps, sit or stand in front of a mirror and repeat the quote to yourself, while looking in the mirror. What this will do is reinforce to yourself that you are a person who inspires positive change in others, and will solidify this belief into your core identity.
 
2. Write the quote down on a piece of paper or type it out, and post it somewhere where you will see it every day. Posting it on the wall above your desk or on your refrigerator will work very well, as you go to those places every day.
 
3. Every night before you go to bed, and every morning when you wake up, repeat that quote out loud to yourself twice.
 
Do this for a period of at least two weeks, until you find yourself really acting consistently with that statement.
 
Essentially, every interaction you have with other humans...every discussion you have with your friends or family...every action that you perform on a daily basis, should take into consideration that quote.
 
For example:
 
Other people are boring? Then YOU be interesting and fun.
 
Other people work too much? YOU don't work too much.
 
Other people are negative? YOU be positive.
 
Other people are impatient? YOU be patient.
 
Other people fight? YOU make love.
 
Other people worry about money? YOU don't worry about money.
 
With everything you do or even everything you think, ask yourself, "Am I being the change that I want to see in my life, and the world?"
 
In the beginning, you will have to take a magnifying glass or even a microscope to your daily thoughts and actions, and see where you are putting your attention and focus. Otherwise, from my personal experience as well as observing countless others, it's right back to the negativity, chaos, and hatred that plays a large role in many people's lives.
 
I won’t talk too much about the subconscious mind here (indeed, a topic of such great importance deserves its own discussion), but basically, your subconscious mind will do whatever you program it to do, and will believe anything you put into it.
 
So, for example, if somebody cuts you off while you are driving and you say to yourself, “I'll KILL that guy who just cut me off!", it's obvious that you don't actually MEAN it...but your subconscious doesn't know that. It only knows how to follow orders.
 
So what happens is that negative statement gets programmed into your subconscious mind, without you even realizing it! And what happens after that is you tend to harbor negativity and pain, which can get manifested in your daily life.
 
If, while driving, you do happen to get cut off by another person, you can say or think this instead: "Well, I'm glad I am safe and that the other person is also safe. He must have a very important matter to attend to. I know he means no harm. In any case, I wish him all the best.”
 
Again, your subconscious mind does not know the difference between negative and positive thoughts or statements. It just takes in whatever you give it, and implants beliefs accordingly into your mind.
 
So why not feed positive, good thoughts to your subconscious mind, ones that will make your life, as well other people's lives, joyful, interesting, and good?
 
It works like this: Garbage in, garbage out. Quality in, quality out!
 
In conclusion, that quote by Gandhi has single-handedly helped make my life a lot more positive, improved my relationships and interactions with other people, and created a lot more happiness in my life.
 
Remember…you must be the change you want to see in the world!
 
Try implementing this statement into your life for a period of at least two weeks, and you will see many interesting and fantastic changes take place.

Posted by Arin Vahanian at 8/19/2007 4:37 PM | View Comments (14) | Add Comment

A Quick Primer on How to Eliminate Fears and Negative Feelings

Without wishing to oversimplify the topic, today I shall briefly talk about some strategies I have used to eliminate fears from my life, as well as get rid of negative feelings I had.
 
I decided to write about some techniques for dealing with these issues, because I started finding that everyone I talked to, be it friends, family, or even strangers, were going through, on some level, exactly what I am writing about now.
 
One important point to discuss right away is coming to terms with these things that are bothering you and being AWARE of the fact that they are there, and not trying to deny or ignore them.
 
It is like aikido - don't deny, but rather, deflect. Take that negative force and send it flying! Out of the room, out of your mind, and out of your life!
 
Once you become aware of it and unearth it, it loses its power tremendously, because darkness cannot survive in the light.
 
However, I don't believe in digging up stuff about your past, because I think that for the most part it is entirely irrelevant and a drain on your valuable mental resources, which could be better used to live NOW.
 
Many people erroneously think that their past defines them - it doesn't define them at all.
 
Many people also usually blame their parents for their current problems. They blame their parents for being overprotective, not teaching them how to take risks, not spending time with them, and a myriad of other things.
 
Here is a controversial statement…are you ready???
 
That’s all rubbish. You can choose RIGHT NOW how you want to be!
 
Your parents, my parents, and everyone else's parents did the best possible job they could, given the resources, knowledge and experience they had at the time.
 
The past just happened, and whether your perception of it was "bad" or "good,” some remnants try to drag you down.
 
Why? It's literally all in your head.
 
It's your ego. You see, the ego thrives on pain, discomfort, and depression, because these things give it the strength to survive.
 
Have you ever noticed that every enlightened or happy person you have met has few ego problems?
 
How do you let go of these painful memories or thoughts? Eckhart Tolle, author of “The Power of Now,” answers it very clearly - by dropping them. "How do you drop a piece of hot coal that you are holding in your hand?"
 
It sounds simplistic, but it's really profound.
 
I used to have so many of these negative feelings over and over again, sometimes almost every day.
 
For years I battled with depression and I had thoughts that I would never become self-employed, never be able to travel the world, never be able to date beautiful girls, and that I would be poor. 
 
Well, I now work for myself, I have traveled extensively so far, and I have dated beautiful girls. And I am most certainly not poor. So much for those petty thoughts!
 
These thoughts often come about because of erroneous beliefs and deep-seated fears you may have. There are a few excellent ways to deal with these kinds of thoughts and fears.
 
Many times negative thoughts and fears disintegrate when you shine a light on them and become aware of them, then prove to yourself why they are not true. Sometimes they also disintegrate when you indulge them. Here are some examples of what I am talking about:
 
Fear: "I'll be poor."
 
Solution: OK, so what? Then what? So I'll be poor at 29...ha! I have 50 years to earn that money back! I'm enjoying my life, because it's a wonderful process. I'll never be poor, because I have what every single person on this Earth wants - happiness and enlightenment. Who chooses whether I believe I am poor or rich - I do!
 
Fear: "I'll never be able to travel. I'll always be stuck in my little town."
 
Solution: Oh really? Well, when I was a kid, traveling meant crossing the street to go to the local supermarket; THAT was exciting for me. Now I can just jump on a plane and go anywhere in the world I want! Who chooses whether I travel - I do!
 
Fear: "I'll never be self-employed."
 
Solution: That's funny...the last time I checked, I was! Who chooses whether I am self-employed - I do!
 
And your past is just that - passed! Send it packing! It does not, cannot, and will not ever define you.
 
The Greek philosopher Epictetus said: "Lameness in your leg may affect your ability to walk, but never your ability to choose."
 
You essentially have three choices when you face any given situation:
 
1. Accept it, and do nothing.
 
2. Accept it, and then change it.
 
3. Accept it, and get out of there. 
 
Most people think they choose number one; which is, that they stay in the same situation and do nothing about it. But in reality, they don’t really accept it, which causes great inner conflict.
 
Whatever you do in a given situation, you must first accept that it is happening. Only then will you have the strength to make positive changes.
 
I don't mean to belittle anyone or their problems here...but really, sometimes you just have to say to yourself, "I am whoever I want to be. I can set myself up to live the kind of life I want, and I can start doing that right now!"
 
You are a super being that has enormous powers, many of which you are probably not even aware of at the moment. But when you become cognizant of this, your ego is threatened, and tries to throw out warning signs.
 
"Oh wait, you can't do that! Who says you can work for yourself? Who says you can become a great martial artist? You'll never be successful..."
 
Just smile at those thoughts.
 
Here’s something I told one of my friends recently. He was battling with depressive thoughts and just needed to be reminded of what an excellent person he is.
 
“Do you really believe that you have an interesting career, are living in a megalopolis like Tokyo, have made good friends, have become so successful with women, have a great relationship with a sweet girl who loves you dearly, are a fantastic martial artist, and are paving a path to financial and spiritual enlightenment, by COINCIDENCE? Is that how a ‘country bumpkin’ lives? I think not. I know not!”
 
The past means exactly this - NOTHING.
 
You can conquer absolutely everything, because you are a whole lot more than just a few past experiences, memories, and thoughts. YOU ARE A SUPER BEING!
 
For years, I used to battle with depression. But I don't have depression anymore...not because I took a magic pill and eliminated it, but because I accepted it, and became aware of it. Then, I didn't fight the depression, but just threw a light on it and learned some strategies and techniques that helped me eliminate it.
 
I smile at it every time it threatens to come back. And it's eliminated almost immediately.
 
How do you smile at a little child who is running around at your feet, trying to snatch the ball you have taken away from him?
 
Have some fun...
 
And remember, YOU ARE A SUPER BEING, not a pile of random thoughts and images!

Posted by Arin Vahanian at 8/6/2007 1:27 PM | View Comments (2) | Add Comment

Stick To Your Purpose - and Improve the World Too!

Today I will discuss how staying true to your purpose will not only make your life a lot better, but will also make the world a lot better place to live in.


We are led to believe by some people out there that following our true purpose is “selfish,” and that we should just be “realistic” and “get a job.”


As a result, most people don’t follow their true purpose, and deny themselves and the world the opportunity to benefit from the many gifts they have.


First, let me describe a scenario for you…


Let’s take three different people: a homeless man, a school teacher, and the CEO of a large corporation.


The end for each one of these people, at least in this life, will be the same: when they die, they will be unable to take any of their accomplishments, money or possessions with them.


Now, regardless of your religious background or beliefs about the existence or lack of an afterlife, the fact remains that you will be unable to take those things with you, whether you believe that one ends up under the ground, in another body, or in another universe.


The existence or lack of an afterlife is no reason to throw away your current life.


It doesn't make any sense to spend even one day doing what you don't want to, if you don't have to. Today we live in a society where most of us have no trouble getting enough food to eat, putting a roof over our heads, and finding plenty of leisure time to do what we love.


We really have nothing to lose, and we're slowly understanding that. Whether or not we listen to other people and just “get a job,” take off and try to become rock stars, or start our own businesses, the end result is the same, at least in this life. So why not enjoy these moments that you can't ever get back?


Some people tell us to not take risks and to not do what we love, because they live in fear and have an attitude of scarcity. Here are some arguments they give, along with my rebuttals:


"But you won't have any money when you're old! You'll have to beg on the streets!" (Thanks for your concern, but I've got it handled. I have never had any problems making enough money, and I've never had to beg for money either. Money comes into my life because I follow my vision and stay true to my purpose.)


"You won't be able to have a good quality of life if you take risks now and run off and try to become a rock star or start your own company. It’s just too risky!" (Whether I become a rock star or a businessman is not the issue. The issue here is that I am staying true to my core purpose, and am giving myself the opportunity to be the best person I can be, and enjoying life in the process. Even if I don't become a rock star, I'll have some fantastic adventures to talk about. As long as I stay on the path of my true purpose, I shall be enlightened and happy.)


"All of your friends went to college, got a secure job in an office, are working all day and are making good money. That’s how life is." (That's great, if they enjoy what they are doing. But if not, I would give them this piece of advice: Instead of enduring a two-hour commute to go to an office and work 12 hours a day in a job you hate, just so you can perform the same routine the next day, you should be doing something you love, enjoying life with friends, family, and loved ones, and giving something extraordinary back to the world.)


"Life is not about having fun, it's about being responsible and getting a job and doing what everyone else does." (So you want me to give up and not believe in myself, do a job I hate and sell my life, soul, and happiness away, so that you can feel good because I am miserable just like you? I have another idea...how about you quit your job, just like I did, and join me in developing ourselves into enlightened human beings, enjoying all the best things the abundant world has to offer, and in turn giving the world our gifts?)


The bottom line is that no one has any idea how long they will live.


Maybe my last day on this planet is tomorrow. But you can be sure if I do go out tomorrow, at least right now I'm doing what I love and I won’t have any regrets. Don't get me wrong - I am not saying we shouldn't ever get a job, or that we should all become anarchists or become completely disconnected from society. I think working a job is a great experience - provided you enjoy it and are able to contribute to something you are passionate about.


But let’s move on to another point here…why stick to one’s true purpose at all?


Because the reason we have such fantastic technology, music, art, medical care, standard of living, and just about everything else that is good in this world, is a result of someone or some people sticking to their purpose and not following what everyone else did. And more importantly, not letting fear hold them back from what they were passionate about.


We have wonderful music and art that inspires us right down to our souls, because of people like Johann Sebastian Bach, Michelangelo, and The Beatles. Indeed, works such as Toccata and Fugue in D Minor, David, and All You Need Is Love continue to inspire people to this very day.


Thomas Edison battled health problems as a child, got fired from his job at Western Union at the age of 19, and failed numerous times in his professional career. However, he continued with his passion, and as a result, he became one of the most prolific inventors the world has ever known. His inventions, such as the light bulb, have made life easier for billions of people.

Louis Pasteur endured a poor childhood, and then the death of three of his young children. However, he never gave up, and his research brought about tremendous breakthroughs in the causes and prevention of diseases. He created the first vaccine for rabies, as well as the process of pasteurization. Prior to Pasteur's research, few doctors washed their hands or equipment before performing surgery. I would imagine that millions of lives have been saved due to the efforts of Pasteur.

There are countless examples of people who did what they were passionate about in life, and not only became successful at what they loved doing, but also helped and inspired many people along the way.

You can do just the same. The world wants to receive the gifts of your brilliance. I don’t know you, but I am absolutely sure that the world could benefit greatly from your vision and your ideas.


The time to take action is NOW, not when one has retired and realizes that he played it safe and never got anywhere and never had any experiences to talk about.


The time to live is NOW.


Right now.


Don’t wait another day to start living life according to your true purpose. The world needs people like you, to help it advance and to improve life not only for yourself, but for others as well.


We essentially have two choices when it comes to our careers and lives: 


1. Live life to its fullest and have lots of great adventures and memories to talk about and reflect on later in life.

2. Don't live life to its fullest, don't take any risks, do what everyone else does, and have lots of regrets later in life.

I chose number one.


Which do you choose?

Posted by Arin Vahanian at 6/28/2007 12:08 PM | View Comments (2) | Add Comment
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